Can I survive round three of insanity?

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I think its because the click of elderly women do not have progressing dementia and she feels inferior.. They play uno and cards and she cannot do that.. She has been mean and hateful and said she should have aborted us all.. Now she wants to hug us and has missed us dearly.. I live with her my sister lives nearby and does all the financial and medicare stuff.. my brothers are another story two live out of state,, one is houdini and the other doesn't believe shes that progressed,, in denial so to speak.. the third brother who lives a block away quit helping about three months ago.. he has agreed to take on any doctor appointments and transportation,, she will be attending a daycare in a memory center starting monday and hopefully that is where she will be placed.. the brother in denial has agreed to come out for one week and help get her started and adjusted,, thank goodness he will finally get to see what a week is like.. the third brother is already complaining that he would hope that if its alot we will be helping with the outside appointments.. Good grief asking for help in advance... The last six months have been my sister and myself and my 16 year old son has witnessed the insanity and this morning when I told him grandma was coming home he sat up and said Oh my God! LOL. I feel like I don't want to tell anyone she is coming back at the fear they will think we are nuts,, maybe we are.. I just dont want her to die somewhere she is so miserable.. I love this sight because I know there is knowledge and personal exp..

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Thanks, your story sounds so similar to mine.. My dad also passed away suddenly on christmas night 2012, It has been complete insanity.. I'm hoping we get her placed into Arbor Care soon. She will start the daycare on Monday and slowly transition to the memory center.. Or she may not last a week that has been the normal pattern.. I feel she is too progressed. She has always been very social and did well at her previous center.. It seems as when she comes home she gets sick,, I don't think she is sleeping well at night and then she starts up trying to eat whatever she wants.. I have also been patient with having her little dog who is not trained, why I will never understand he is 12. I have a well behaved doberman so this is also a challenge.. If she ends up not lasting. I am going to try and find a home for this dog as well. I just don't know who would want him. The hardest part about having someone with dementia in your home is it is always about them,,, the constant crap.. That gets old real fast..
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I have a 16 year old son as well. There is no way I'd bring my mom back into our house. He is just beginning his life and the tension level was just too high. It was not healthy at all. He is my priority. Mom comes next. She was not so sweet during her time with us and for my son to come home from school to screaming matches was miserable and I don't want him to remember his home life as that someday.

I had to call up every reserve of strength I had to move her to an AL. Is she happy? No. The only way she'd ever be happy again is if my dad was still alive and she was in her own home. That is not my fault that my dad died and she is no longer there in her own home. That's the only thing they want and I can't provide that. Sometimes misery is in a person, not a place, and it travels wherever they go. No wonder your son is freaked out. Keep a close eye on him. My guy retreated to his room when grandma lived here for good reason. 16 year olds need their space and it's supposed to be a fun time in their lives. Yes, also to learn compassion and caring for elders, but in some situations it's too much.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but it sounds like the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) got to you. I was in that place not too long ago and thankfully my husband reminded me of how truly awful it was when she lived with us.

I wish you luck and love in the return of your mom. You're a stronger (or crazier - ha!) person than I am.

What I have learned from my mom's two years in AL, is that there are constant, daily complaints. It was the same way when she lived with me. From the hill behind my house being so boring to look at and no one calling her when she wouldn't call anyone herself. You get what you give.

I live with the daily guilt. Guilt is my middle name. I visit my mom every other day and call on the days in between. I get an earful sometimes. That's what we are is sounding boards because they're safe with us. The women at my mom's AL love her. She adores the attention, but I don't hear it from her. I hear it from the caregivers because I'm there on such a regular basis. They mention little details about things that no one would know but me, so I know they're being honest.

From going to saying she wished she aborted you to hugs is scary. Think so carefully about this move.
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