My husband has had more than 10 strokes, has dementia & onset Alzheimer's. He is stubborn and still thinks he can do things himself, but he can't. How can I deal with this?

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A husband who has had more than 10 strokes..yes..10 Not counting the tia...s...stubborn...an still thinks he can do things himself...plus has dementia, an now onset of Alz..which started a yr.ago...Im going crazy..no help...
thank u.

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Hi, bishey, you may experience some welcome relief for even an hour each week with a respite service. Respite care is not something you would have to go with if it doesn't make you feel comfortable. It is not something you need to continue if you don't want to. Respite can also be arranged as a one-time care visit only, if that's all you want or feel you may need.

I also agree with Puzzles that if your husband can help you sort laundry, or perform some light tasks, your asking him to help you may be a boost to his self confidence. It has to be hard to feel trapped in one's body, unsure of everything, confused by a lot, and/or restricted by not being able to do things one would like to be able to do. I feel for your hubby. I also understand how frustrating such circumstances can be.

Though I am not walking a mile in your shoes, the longer I am a caregiver, the more I find myself seeking to understand more, rather than focusing on what may be logical to me. When I do that, I experience greater peace within myself, and am more understanding than I might be otherwise.

I also agree with anne that your caregiving responsibility is very difficult, so please don't be too hard on yourself. It's ok to ask for help from others, even if it's only paid respite care.

One thing that may, or may not work, is to suggest that he complete whatever he is doing "later," and take a much needed break with you. It may help him to become unstuck and move on to the next thing. Can he water plants, or a garden, for example? That could be one alternate activity if he has sufficient body balance to walk in the garden with you.

Hope you figure something out that works for you and offers you occasional downtime to unwind without having to be "on" round the clock.
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Bishey, I saw my mother going through what you are with your husband. I saw how difficult it was for my mother ( now deceased) to see her husband's personality and mental acuity deteriorating before her eyes. I read somewhere that it is likely that it is harder for a spouse to deal with dementia in her/her spouse than for an adult child to deal with dementia in his/her parent. If this is true, then this means that you do indeed need help. When you say you're "going crazy", that tells me that you're at the outer edges of your limits. I would talk to your doctor about this situation because you need help figuring out what the next step is. It appears that the set-up you have right now is not working anymore, and the strain is getting to you. Good luck with this. You are twenty years older than I am, and I take my hat off to you for doing all the work you are doing on behalf of your husband.
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Bishey9, if you think your husband is no longer capable of reasoning like an adult then it falls to you, I think, to decide what is to be done. Can you continue to look after him and remain well yourself or will other arrangements have to be made? Has a doctor suggested possibilities? If you read through some of the other discussions you will see there are lots of choices - none of which are easy to make, unfortunately. Best wishes.
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hi bishey9... your husbands condition sounds exactly my mother's. (the latter part of her life).

My father went through the stubbornness ... mother thought she could do things herself... and dad was on constant alert... because she always tried.

I feel there are two sides of this: you like my father have to make your home as safe as possible. (Almost like child safe)

Not sure of the physical condition of your husband, but mother was paralyzed on the right side. Walking was very dangerous and she didn't want to use the walker.

Make the pathways clear and large; Try to have the items he usually likes or needs close by.

Kitchen was a dangerous area for mom, she would turn on the stove and forget it.

I feel you have a big watch on your hand.

The other side of this: Your husband has not given up trying... as long as there is determination he wants to try.

Wouldn't you rather him trying than... just laying there... not want to "try".

Find some easy chores that he can help you with. Keep his mind and character alive as long as you can.

Some day he will be gone... I have a feeling you will be like me and remember how he kept trying, yes... he is stubborn and can say ugly things.

He wants to be the man he used to be and can't. Bless him.

P.S. My mother taught me courage, gave me strength... I hope and pray that I do not have to deal with the struggles that she did... I may not be as strong.
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