1) Only grandchild (GC) moved from one US coast to the other to take care of 86 year old MIL with for only son/husband/father who is out of state.
2) MIL forces GC out with nasty dementia behavior issues and doesn't want GC in house.
3) We move GC into GC's own place but GC is still local.
The problem was MIL still needed care and family is the only option.
Boundaries, boundaries, and more boundaries.
How we made it work:
1) To make the boundaries feasible, we turned the whole situation into a caregiver and client contract.
2) We literally made a contract where GC treats MIL like a client and not a relative.
3) Hours, services, information, and respect are all based on the premise that GC is a "paid" caregiver. If GC wouldn't do "whatever" for a non relative client, GC isn't required to provide it to MIL. No matter what MIL asks for, GC can and does say no if GC hasn't cleared it with us.
4) MIL still doesn't like it (she hasn't respected boundaries for the past few years) but we know she is getting care without the drama and gossiping that was prevalent before.