I know so many are going through so much out there please share!


It's almost Christmas Day my father and mother both are in a nursing home 1280 miles from me as they choose not to move closer to their only child. In August as some of you know I went back to care for them and was fired from my employer of 13 years. I was facing back surgery before I got the call from my father finally allowing me passage to them. He wouldn't hand over the keys to the truck so he wouldn't let come help them. Since then I had everything set up help coming in 3 days a week, both had doctors appointments I met with the doctors. Dad agreed at the time to let the nurses aid drive his Explorer until after I left then he wouldn't let her. He wouldn't let the aid drive them to doctors appointments his behavior became abusive to others. Soon he started accusing everyone the nurses aid, and me of stealing from him. He went to the police saying the nurses aid stole my mothers wallet. He went to an attorney had me removed as DPOA AND MOA while they both my mother and father were incompetent and this never should have happened. My mother had several falls the month after I came home to no job. She ended up in the hospital this is where the attorney had her revoke me, I couldn't find out any information about my mother, staff was told not to speak to me. I tracked her down she was placed in a recovery nursing home. Several weeks later my father had a terrible accident that totaled his Explorer, thank God no one else was involved or hurt. He spent several weeks in the hospital were more drama ensued when my fathers sisters showed up. The sisters and the attorney made such a scene they were told they would be escorted from the hospital if they could act like adults. I filed a complaint with the Supreme Court on the attorney that revoked me, waiting for full results. I now have another attorney who is trying to straighten out this terrible mess. New attorney confronted the greedy DPOA revoking attorney and there was a fire storm. None of this needed to happen none of this, now I'm waiting to find out what next. I will need to drive back filing for guardianship over my father he's been pronounce completely incompetent, move them to a locked assisted living facility and close down their house. Move things they want to their new place sell everything else the house included. I don't want to be alone in that house by myself LONE CLOSING DOWN THEIR LIVES. God this is so painful, then I drive back to my home 1280 leaving them waiting on God so to speak. I can't stand this putting my break down on hold what next Really WHAT NEXT! I had 13 years benefits and a retirement plan with the company that fired me I was putting back money so I could take care of myself worked all the time now nothing my life is on hold at a dead stop. I'm so numb, or in unbelievable emotional pain. Medication helps some but I don't have the funds to see the doctors any longer to help me through this grief so I come here. Just feeling so hopeless today thanks for listening if you dare read this post!

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Emjo this is "Take Back Our Power Year in 2014" Blue tights, Tiara's, Tuna Cans, and the like LOL! Watching Time Warner Classic Movies, enjoying total escapism, it's working!
Back at ya, Love and Blessings to All!

Well, zoo, how thing change - good cop again! Wow a whole $148.73 for your retirement. Way to go.

You do sound better. I am so glad. Hopefully the anxiety will decrease. Breath deep, Say to yourself it is only demented 1 and 2 (I like the lower case). I don't think the killer ants can do anything once the attorney has the power. They can try to raise sh*t, but I would just let them go at one another and stay strictly uninvolved. There is voice mail on your phone for a reason, and the sky doesn't fall in if you don't answer and even if you don't call back later. I am just refusing to involve myself in the crazies. If your dad goes Ape Poo Crazy that is his problem. Don't let him make it yours.

from Queenisms again:

Drama begets drama. But you can leave the theater. If a ranting negative Nellie is without an audience, her drama will have less power over us.

At the risk of mixing metaphors, here’s another way of saying it. We’re not saying that you should abandon your loved ones or walk away from your friends. We’re saying that when we’ve done everything we can to help a drowning person but that person is more invested in causing drama than in grabbing the lifesaver, then it’s important to get in your own lifeboat and row a safe distance away. You can occasionally sound the horn and let them know that comfort and safety is available if they reach out, but you don’t need to go down in the wake.

Here’s to less drama and more calm seas in 2014.
and a big AMEN to that!

Jessie how are the house plans coming along?

♥ Love and blessings to all ♥

mbvargo, Emjo, you guys crack me up thank you all for the chuckles! mbvargo yes moves straight to the Gold Tiara no doubt! Ok new day decided to take all the fabulous coins my mother bought from TV commercials, Publishers Clearing House, and God know's where else to the coin, exchange dealer down the street! OMG, bless my mothers demented little heart I knew it was bad but Oh Lord. She paid 80.00 for coins worth 2 dollar, .25 there was one for 18.00 dollar LOL. Mother said they were for my retirement (((((( I'm still laughing))))))) Oh man it was horrible so for maybe 1500.00 spent I got 148.73 for my retirement Damn Happy about THAT, So proud I come from financial Wizards .... Still laughing!!! I told mother for years I think you may need some help mother with the finances, you would have told I drowned the cat she got so upset! I am taking your advise mbvargo boundaries to imperious drama at least I hope so. I signed the paperwork today handing over guardianship of demented 1 and demented 2 over to the attorney, Hot Dog now I'm going to be GOOD COP! Really that attorney won't let you do What, awhhhhhh! I just hope Crazy Killer Fire Ants don't come out of their mound, along with bad attorney Cruella de Vil for another go round!!!!!

Really do feel better, yet I'm still wading through the muck of the clean up for my folks their, house, and my dad is going to go Ape Poo Crazy once he figures out if he figures out he's lost his rights! But that's just how it is and who knows what the morrow will bring? Damn I go straight into panic attack mode lately at first sign of day light upon awakening after a restless nights sleep, sounds so sad, LOL, my heart mound like Ricky Ricardo's BaBaLouuuu! I like the idea for a screen play this may be the ticket! Chow....... Keep the crazy talk coming some forums you just got to laugh, Thanks again guys for the chuckles!

Funny Zoo, I was thinking about a tiara too when I wrote - gold or diamonds - what do you think?

Your family is screwed - MAJOR screwed, Zoo, How did you ever come out of that mess???

Give yourself a break once in a while - just put your mind onto something else. Like Eddie used to say "Kick them out of your head, they aren't paying rent" - or something like that. Glad you have a good attorney, BIG help.

twisted sisters and killer ants - love it., You have a great imagination!!! Can just see them running around like ants... I have no idea what they are up to. I have stopped trying to figure out the crazies. It only makes me crazy. Yes it is ridiculous - can you imagine a staging it? Would make a great play, especially if you could keep a funny slant on everything.

You will survive it - you are a warrior princess. Tiara's it is -maybe we start with silver and graduate to gold and diamonds.

If there is an inheritance, I would catch a cruise to the Caribbean and enjoy the sights and the sun/ Heck - lots more fun than EST!

(((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) to you too, and do something good for you today! You are some survivor!!!

mbvargo I LOVE the image of the moat. I have had that and the alligators, and a drawbridge, but you have taken it so much farther. Amazing ... piranas barbed wire, anti aircraft missiles, bright lights and friends. Now that can't be topped!. The imagination is a wonderful thing. You have developed some great survival tools. I think you go straight to a gold tiara!

One of my strategies is to imagine a brick wall between me and mother. | even planted climbing roses on it. Nice to look at and they have thorns.

We need to find a place of safety in ourselves. Those of us with a crazy childhood has anything but safety in our families and homes, It was a scary place at times, and just plain unpleasant at the best.

We are tributes to the survival instinct - wonder women, warrior princesses and queens, the walking wounded - limping sometimes, but always moving forward.

a few more queenisms

When we say no to the many, many requests that clamor for our attention and time, we are saying yes to the things that are stuck in our hearts. What’s in your heart just waiting for the space in your life?

She vowed to get her swagger back and decided from this moment on, she would not be invisible.

She desperately needed to detox from people pleasing and her most important tool would be the word “No” spoken with love.

She wanted other people to treat her with kindness, love and respect. So she decided to treat herself that way to show them how to do it.

I am honoured to know every one of you. (((((((((((((hugs))))))))) and blessings

Man.. you should consider that money water under the bridge at this point and RUN THE OTHER DIRECTION. FAST. Change your name and phone number. I just took satan back to her lair. I am doing the happy feet dance. yahoo. Here is my strategy, I thought of it when I was about 12. Get some giant 60 foot high boundaries impervious to ridicule, drama or pity. Surround with a moat about 60 feet across and 100 feet deep. Fill it with alligators and piranha. On top of the boundary put barbed wire and anti aircraft missiles. Put on your tiara, tuna cans and tights. Get some really bright lights to shine on the crazies. Top the boundary with ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS. Now dare the crazies to come aboard. It works like a charm. Killer Ant ran away because she realized she was going to have to take crazy to buy a car right? Evil attorney might also be on the hook for springing them loose and getting them a car.. he might just run also. No one wants the crazies in THEIR hair right? People are always stepping up to tell me how to deal with my mother hahahaha then they RUN LIKE HELL AWAY FROM HER......

Emjo, so funny, thanks for the visual blue tights, tuna cans and magic brackets LOL. I'm thinking maybe we should add a tiara in the mix LOL. Yep what a day, sorry for your day at the beach nightmare. So sick of the drama, fathers sister sent good attorney an email this afternoon now stating that she is relinquishing the DPOA,that she realizes she could appoint a guardian with the power she processes but won't. She also added she knows that good attorney is working for me so she (the twisted evil sister) can't talk to her, ( what does that mean or matter if the twisted sister isn't up to something else devious). Twisted sister said she's giving up DPOA effective immediately, hummmm. So good attorney is filing for guardianship and conservatorship to get them moved as twisted caring sister has left my parents sitting alone in the nursing home as she's deserted them. I can't stand my family right now, how pitiable! I'm sick of waking up to another day of what the Hell now!

But your right Emjo this Warrior Princess is going to keep getting up and moving forward! Thank God and I hope and pray the Killer Ants (the twisted sisters) are out of the picture for good!

It would appear that the Killer Ants thought they were all getting 33% each of the will maybe they are not sure no one knows now. Killer Ant was asked to get good attorney a copy of the will, that's when good attorney got the email stating I Killer Ant one am no longer DPOA take my name off the paperwork, what is going on! Seems Killer Ant wanted more control as DPOA yet something made her change her mind and want to walk away, not sure what's going on. Good attorney will call evil attorney for paperwork Killer Ant one is referring too as new will written where I was ousted, after guardianship is filed to see what is going on.

Any thoughts as to what the flyin phannie could the Killer Ants be up too! LOL this is really starting to get ridiculous!
I've decided if there is an inheritance left for me I will take my break down off hold and check myself into the Adult Children's Caregiver Recovery Unit for treatment and electric shock therapy to jump start my life again, if I survive this!
Big ((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) back to you too EMJO ALL OF YOU! Find the humor in the insanity it helps!

Zoo, believe me I know. I am in the middle of a sh*t storm too. As far as I am concerned, the money has to be the last consideration and our own survival the first. I am livid today too, on several accounts. It must be going around. But we will surmount this too. Put on the magic bracelets, the tuna cans and the blue tights. Blue nail polish helps too - very empowering. lol To add to it, it is minus 24F here and my chest gets sore just sticking my face outside the door to get the mail. I am soooo p*ssssed offff. I may record my mother's voice mails - 8 so far today, and share them with the mental health nurse. Competent????? You bet! NOT!!!! Just have to figure out how to record them. Probably my computer would pick up voicemail. Never one phone call - always at least 3 and up to 9 a day.

I hear you. I am sick of the insanity - and feel like smashing something.
My best girlfriend - knew her over 45 years died in a car crash just before Christmas - doesn't help.

You and I will get through this.

Saw this on face book from a page called "Queen of Your Own Life". There are some writings called Queenisms -

example -

“There had been friends and family who had caused her a world of anger and hate. She decided it was time to take back her power by using this simple action and phrase, “As I breathe in calm and breathe out anger, I set myself free from other people’s toxic drama. She was most definitely Queen of her own life.”

Here is another one

Life had indeed smacked her around a bit but she didn’t need to wallow in it anymore. She made the choice to stop being and feeling like a victim and to call herself what she was, a brave survivor. So sayeth the warrior Queen.

From one warrior Queen to another - we may be bruised and down a bit, but we will rise again. (((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Oh Ms. Emjo, what a difference a day makes! Funny you should speak of disinheritance. I think the bad attorney got to my aunt she is now being adversarial to good new attorney wanting a more controlling roll as POA now that she knows (the aunt) that dad drew up a new will and she's getting money! I've lost that Loving Feeling again! Back to livid, my dad doesn't remember signing any of this and he was deemed incompetent during the time this was done how can this be. Now I have to file for guardianship and conservatorship as the good attorney said the aunt is unwilling to work with her on selling the house or paying me to come help. I'm just livid, heartbroken and sick of the insanity, greed. Just when I thought is was going to be a better day! Crap didn't expect it this soon.

mbvargo - I know the feeling. Mother has one foot in sanity and one on a banana peel and is sliding slowly down. She is very strong, but not strong enough to halt the slide and she won't take the meds for the paranoia. In some ways it is a waiting game, till it gets worse, but at the same time you have to protect yourself as they can be pretty destructive along the way. Interesting what you said about her not going to liking the consequences. That is very close to what mother's case manager said to me if/when mother gets worse and has to be placed elsewhere "she is not going to like it." ((((((hugs))))) to you - another KAG for sure,

Awesome, Zoo, just awesome!!! You can't fail with that attitude. Sure, it isn't easy going back and facing them, it isn't easy dealing with the memories and PTSD. In my most recent counselling session, I finally told the therapist something I had never told anyone. It has taken me a long time to get that out, about 60 years, t a burden shared is a burden halved. BUT, it is a whole lot better than living under their control. It means YOU have a life, of your own choosing, your own making. Is it perfect? NO, but it is yours.

I am so glad you realise it won't be easy. That is being realistic, But you also have tools to get through it, and you will, and feel good about it, Be sure to look after yourself as it will be hard on you emotionally and probably physically.

Oh my word, you are the good cop! That's awesome. I remember one summer when mother took a down turn. Between my sis, my daughter and I we took turns being Curly, Mo, and Larry. One was the golden girl, one was the black sheep and one was ignored. It switched almost weekly. I was disinherited that summer, my daughter was the golden girl at one point and most of mother's inheritance went to her children - my grandkids - against my daughter's wishes, But it changed again and finally settled down that fall.

You are a smart cookie, Zoo. Doing great - definitely worthy of blue tights and tuna cams LOL. Better add some magic bracelets to deflect the toxic bullets.
Big ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

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