I have whined enough I know. But in order to cope I start of the morning with a couple of beers, and I had never really been a heavy drinker. Still going over the last week what I could have done differently. Not moved him to the MC, not moved him FROM the MC when he only had days left, perhaps causing him transfer trauma hastening his death and suffering. The SNF we transferred him to was overall good but the orders they got from hospice (which was also otherwise good) said for honey thick liquids, not nectar thick, so he didn't drink much for a day. Thursday when we moved him from MC to SNF a hospice nurse came and checked him out and he seemd good. He complied when she told him to take deep breaths so she could check his lung and heart. She declared him good shape to travel, so he was good on Thursday and by Monday he was gone, without me by his side. Also, I have lamented how I pressured nurses to feed him at lunch the day he died, which start of vomiting and heavy breathing. I guess any changes in decisions I would have made might have added days, maybe weeks to his life, but not quality days or weeks, so maybe this is just as good. I do have a call into the hospice bereavement counseling and they left a message back so I have to call them. I have to pick up my dad's belongings at SNF today and I just feel I can't do it. I feel I failed my dad.