And I have special rules. That I said that lee is going back down to finish up his part on the shower. I guess I said it like oh he is gone again. I was joking because it takes lee months years or decades to finish the projects. I wasn’t complaining I was joking about it and everyone else laughed. But I guess it was said like it’s so much. I have said how grateful I am that I get to take care of my mom it’s not i have to. I talked about how when we cross the state line I get a pit in my stomach and I get anxious. I told them that the tractors in the field are hard. I talked about how much aa has helped me through all of this. I didn’t react i respond if I thought it would make a difference. I was told to be honest with my feelings. But then I am told I am not happy. Then when I am just being me and happy she doesn’t believe me. So I guess I am not communicating how i feel correctly. I broke down because it’s a very sensitive subject. One of my bachelors degree is communications. So didn’t help my self esteems. I guess I don’t know what I am supposed to be since my sponsor doesn’t believe that I am happy. Life is not perfect but this is our new normal and it’s life so we try to live it on life’s terms. So if I am happy that’s wrong and if I am vulnerable and am talking about how I feel that’s wrong. I tore off all my gel nail polish in two hours of talking. When I asked her what am I supposed to do. Make sure that my words mean exactly what I want them to.? Or am I supposed to talk about what is going on. Then she said no I don’t want you to filter what you say. Has anyone gone through this. I have never thought my life would end up this way. I never knew there was a book I needed to read. So when I am just enjoying myself and life I am lying to myself. Well only i have the answer to that thank you for letting me just be me.