My mom's major problem with dementia at this time is Shadowing. She follows me everywhere. It even caused her to slip out of bed and fall looking for me even though I told her I was getting up. My theory is you hear a lot of stories of people that have died leave all or most of their wealth or goods to their "caregiver " and leaving out the "family". Could that be because of the attachment the individual has with the "caregiver" because of dementia and Shadowing and because no longer an association with family members. You hear sometimes people say "Oh my uncle left everything to the aid in his Last Will," Just a theory what does anyone else think?

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Re-read CM's response. One the shadowing begins it is much too late to change a will.

Interesting response CM. Wouldn't you know someone would write about it. Now to find the rest of it.

I was on the phone with my cousin regularly for the last three years of her life, so she went to the lawyer and had me added to her will. I didn't know about it until she told me her sister and niece had taken her to the lawyer and insisted she remove me, and another friend who was helping her.... oh well. This is why she had done it, though; we were current in her life and cared about her.

Small children find one family member (Mom) that provides them security in a world that they don't really understand. Is it not hard to realize that as the dementia rips away their grasp on reality that the LO would look for their security person to provide comfort for them?

Not really. By the time a person is at the shadowing stage of dementia, it's far too late for them to change their will.

On the other hand, if a very rich very elderly but compos mentis person finds that his aides are caring for him in a way that contrasts cruelly with what the "nearest and dearest" were ever prepared to do, it's not so surprising if he decides to leave his cash where the credit is due.

Hilaire Belloc wrote a poem about it - 'John Vavassour de Quentin Jones' - which ends:

"... And Uncle William ran his pen
Through 'well-beloved John,' and then
Proceeded, in the place of same,
To substitute Miss Charming's name:
Who now resides in Portman Square
And is accepted everywhere."

I think old people become far more aware of the people they are involved with at the end. They forget about who has helped them in the past, who they loved and who they were close to. They may remember things that took place long ago, but the people who were involved then are now either dead or unrecognisable (you can’t be my daughter, she is just a little girl). It’s a regular source of sorrow. My father also left everything he owned to the newest flatterer on the block, and the consolation for me is that I would rather forget him anyway.

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