I find myself reading the person who writes, is it wrong to hope someone dies.


The effect a dysfunctional family has on an individual never leaves you.

I am 62, it hasn’t left.

I am caring for the dysfunctional parent in their old age.

I am full of resentment.

Most likely, because my 2 siblings are scot-free.

I don’t love this parent.

That, is the truth.

How did I end up with this parent?

Years of conditioning, gaslighting, etc.

So very difficult to see life in a normal way.

I have had therapy.

Time is near, for the Nursing home they deserve.

I am afraid this parent could live 10+ more years.

I have made the decision, I can’t do it.

Wish me luck....:)

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
Take a break for yourself. Look at the situation again after the 15th.
Then continue on with your plan for the Nursing home. No guilt.

Burnout is such that you must have relief immediately for the stress.
An immediate solution would be RESPITE CARE. She can go to the Nursing Home after that 1-2 week period. Call for help. A case worker in Supportive Social Services at your senior center? Go there, on Tuesday morning.
(If Monday is a holiday for you.).

Otherwise, you can call the psychiatric assessment team. (For yourself). Or APS. Ruminating about a specific thread here on the AC forum is not a good sign.
Do you have medication?
Calling would bring attention to the fact that your case needs attention.
If only an in home support person so you can take a day off? It is not that you are crazy, you just may have burnout, and that can happen to any caregiver in your situation.

Do take a break. Good for you for starting your own thread to address your needs for a change!

Hold on tight, it is going to be a bumpy ride what with the full moon affecting emotions of those sensitive to it. Do not do anything rash.

You say, "I have made the decision, I can’t do it."..............can't do what? Place your mother in a nursing home? And if not, WHY not?

I can relate, and I do wish you luck. I also felt the resentment of siblings who left it all on me, and the fear that my life could be tied up in caregiving for a decade or more. My mother died before the nursing home became a reality, but I was still tethered to her needs and wishes for more than 7 years. It is very tough, especially if your relationship with the parent is dysfunctional to begin with. I actually got along well with my mother as long as we functioned as independent adults, but she responded to aging and disability by turning me from a friend and confidant to a resource to be used to meet her needs as she saw fit.

I would have been happy for my mother to live forever if she could have done that without turning me into a servant, but the only way she could live the life she wanted was at my expense, and I too hoped every day that it would not go on too much longer. So I understand. I wish you well.

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter