I'm 31 years old and am the full-time caregiver of my 92 yr old grandmother. She has dementia and is unable to walk as well as being incontinent. She has three sisters and at least one brother still living that I know of. Bertha has the most sound mind. Jennie didn't even know who she was. Laura has alzheimer's really bad. I don't know much about William. and then there is my Granny. Bertha called Saturday to let us know that Jennie passed away. Laura's children have elected NOT to tell her because of her Alzheimer's and known that they can't get over her own husband's death from 20 years ago. Granny is getting more and more upset that she is not able to talk to Laura about the death. We believe that if she could talk to her it would calm her down but not being able to talk to her is making her upset. We know from personal experience that even if we dialed the phone to let her speak to Laura she would feel better but the first thing she would say is "Jennie is dead." even if we JUST got finished telling her she can't talk about Jennie at all! I am having trouble dealing with the dementia as her caregiver. Having to repeat EVERYTHING 50 times a day or more is driving me crazy. By the end of the day I just want to yell at her and say LOOK, I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU THIS A THOUSAND TIMES ALREADY....GET OVER IT!!! Its hard for my mind to grasp that her mind can't grasp the things we say! I know it's only going to get worse also.

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If your Grandmother spoke to her sister frequently and they know who each other are then it's not fair to either one that they can't speak on the phone.

I understand how her children feel about telling your Aunt about her sisters death. But they have to understand that your Mom is dealing with the same issues..

I would tell cousins that you won't stop your Mom from speaking to her sister if this is something she does often...

Having to repeat EVERYTHING 50 times a day or more is driving me crazy.
Same here. As dementia progresses the repeats to slow down. My ADW gets into cycle around 2AM ...
Don't try for any rational discourse
Their mind is broken by Alzheimer's

you're going to have to "absorb" a lot worse behavior.
quoting many other carers:
As long as you expect your loved one to react to situations the way you do, you'll be frustrated, angry, and miserable. If, however, you can learn to get inside their minds, to comprehend their world, then it is not against human nature to respond with smiles and hugs and tons and tons of love ... and private tears that we can't do more for them.

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