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How do I help my mother's friends and family understand that she has dementia? They bring things to my attention and when I say that my mother has dementia and that it is a progressive disease is not enough. They seem to want me to talk to my mother and this will fix or correct her behavior.
Is it because they have not experiences Dementia first hand? Is it because they do not understand the nature of being a 24/7 caregiver for a parent with Dementia?

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I also think those that criticize, are a bit afraid that they could someday be recipients of the same problem, but , not that I have mastered positivity in my own life, totally, I can get a spell of spin thinking, but I can help my kids and others see the bright side. Maybe they have access to a computer, or you do, type in the term you want, and access mayo clinic, and leave them in the room to read about it, or write it down on a note, then say you would like to not take up time at this time with research and speculation. It will help, but make it fun, I need to lighten up about me. I was telling my youngest, yesyerday, she 21, me 61, I needed to color my hair, she said she liked it, I said there is a lot of grey, she said accept it, lol, after she left, I colored it, and accepted it a bit more than usual. Lol. Hope this helps, and the idea of the friend helping a bit is a great idea, but keep it fun, for you all. M in OH
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Oh, your mother's girlfriend thinks so, does she? Chuckle. She'll learn.

To paraphrase Mr Bumble in 'Oliver Twist' - "If the friend supposes that, then the friend is A Ass. And the worst I may wish for the friend is that her eyes may be opened by experience, Sir - by experience!"

But, New2D, I appreciate how disheartening this must feel for you, to know that in the background there could be some people thinking you "could do better." Back seat drivers are a pain in the neck, and jolly irritating, and the last thing you need. It is hard to be patient with them, but do your best to remember that she means well, and that she just doesn't understand, and that you mustn't take it as personal criticism. Gently does it, and with a bit of luck she'll gain a better grasp of the realities of the situation as time goes on.

Hmmm… I wonder… The other thing you could do, if you judged you could do it safely, is leave the friend in charge for a brief period - say a couple of hours on one of your mother's better days. You'd risk coming back to a bit of a sh*t-storm, but it might be a valuable, practical lesson for her.
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I can say what I did when I helped with ladies with similar situations. I would say everyone is different, you will have to look it up. Also, I know for a fact, that sometimes the people with the illness, on a good day, are sharper than those who are not diagnosed with it. Think of it, as passing the question back to them, that they give to you, it will take the pressure off you, and help them to understand more. Also, I never talked about it, in front of the ladies, I care for, I would say not sure what you are reffering to, if they asked in a conversation, one day at a time. Mary in OH
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I guess maybe it's like parenthood.
.You don't really get it until you've done it. To a non parent, a frazzled mom with a 2 year old having a temper tantrum elicits thoughts of " why doesn't she just explain that he can't have candy now". I'm sure to your mom's girlfriends and relatives, it looks different than it does to you. How about have THEM have the conversation with mom about what they think needs to be fixed? Is there any possibility of that workin
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Ba8alou, yes I've shared written documentation of what Dementia is and the behaviors that comes with the disease. My mother's girlfriend seems to think I can do something or tell my mother something to change my mother's "behavior".
These are highly educated independent women.
I am at my wits end :-(
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Have you given them some printed material (there's lots on this site) that explains dementia and the characteristics and progressive nature of the disease? They might be persuaded by something written by an "expert". Otherwise, just realize that denial is a strong defense mechanism in this sort of situation.
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