Bladder cancer that spread.

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my grandfather is 77 and he had bladder cancer he had the tumor removed chemo and radiation and still had his bladder removed while in the hospital had2 heartattacks had a triple bypass 4 days after removing his bladder just to be told that the cancer has spread to his lymphnodes i just need to someone to tell me what can be done to help he dont want chemo or radiation cause it just makes sick all the way up til you die ( i know it helps alot of people i aint saying that) is this going to kill him scared he has done everything and now what

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I'm alot older than you sarahjean; and I'm so sorry you are having to face this. I don't have a good answer; listen to what his doctors tell you; if you feel you must; you can always get a second opinion. I lost my father a couple years ago to cancer. He was 85; he tried chemo and it started out good; then he got sicker and sicker (from the chemo; he didn't want to do the radiation after that) and decided it was not how he wanted to live. He announced on Thanksgiving he was done; my mother begged him to keep going; he refused and said he'd rather live less time and feel "better" and have some last quality time with my mom and his kids than continue to feel lousy, sick, out of control and live like that for months longer without guarantee of a cure. Sadly he passed away; but he wasn't in too much pain; had a lot of good moments/time left with my mom. He always "did it his way" and he lived his last days "doing it his way". Hope you and your dad can find whats best for your dad. By the way; he will always be with you. My friend's daughter just got married; they mentioned her deceased dad in the ceremony (very emotional) and at that very moment; a roll of thunder happened; a brief sprinkle and a beautiful rainbow appeared over the couple -- it was amazing and we all were certain that "her dad" was right there with her. Hope you find the same; however this turns out. We'll be praying for you and your dad.
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well I just found out the latest on him that the cancer has spread to 14 of his lymph nodes what now is there anything they can do hes 78 and been through so much scared hes been the only dad i have ever known hes the man i look up to i want him to walk me down the isle i am scared he wont be able to can someone please help and tell me the truth am i just being selfish and not letting go or is there a fight to be fought here
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sarahjean34,

I am so sorry to hear what you are going father. Having a grandparent that has cancer is a scary thing to go through. Trust the doctors and know that they are trying to do the best for him. Let him chose what medical care he wants for himself. Most importantly just be there for him. Good luck with everything from the AgingCare.com family.
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