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My mom is in the hospital, pneumonia. SHe has been ther for a week now, and they deceided to take a p.e.t. scan . She had one about three years ago, and thats when thay saw the cancer in her lung. The new results are that the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes and ther is another mass growing in her lung. I'm going to take her home today. I'm so pissed off at the doctors because they knew she had cancer but said that she was too weak for chemo. They said that months ago and they are still saying it. Why won't they treat her? She will surely die if they don't. How do I get them to treat her?? My heart is broken and I feel like I have let her down. There must be some oncologist that will give her chemo! cry, cry. crying, etc,etc,..............................................................help?

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Peewee, I am where you were, only everything for me is sped up. Mom is only 68, they treated her pnuemonia, before they discovered how advanced her cancer is. She is inoperable, but only a Palliative care Radiation candidate. I found everything out only in the last 2 months. I lost my job over this. I am an only child and absolutely agonizing. I cannot even care for my mom and she doesn't even live here....
I do not understand why they would not treat your mom's pnuemonia, that still falls under palliative. I assume she lived you. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I am very new to the forums and at the lowest point in my life.
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Hi Peewee,
I am also sorry to hear of the passing of your mom. At least now she will have no more suffering. My prayers are with you.

I have left my home and family in Florida to come to Vermont to care for my Mom. She was just diagnosed on 5/7/12 so I still have long days ahead of me. Should you have any thoughts you could share with me they would be much appreciated.

Maybe my mom will meet your mom one day....

Deborah
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Peewee: I am so sorry to hear that your mom passed away. God bless her sweet soul. You are a shinning star. A very bright white light in the darkness. Your mom and others you have cared for followed your light and received love and comfort from you always. Your mom was so blessed to be in your company and care for so many years. Seriously, Peewee, there are not many people like you. You loved your mom so much and did all you could for her. She knew that and probably felt badly that you tried so hard to change what could not be changed. It was her time Peewee and I know you will be lost for a while, but I am praying that you will realize that she is at peace and that you can find your own peace.

Please stay in touch and know that so many people on this site love and respect you. We also feel your pain and sorrow. Love from my deepest heart, Cattails.
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peeweedeb, I'm so, so sorry you lost your mom. I've followed your story and you have been a wonderful, caring daughter in every way. I'm sure your mom felt your love every day and was so proud to have such a loving daughter. She was blessed to have you in her life as were you blessed with her. There are no words at these times, but may the love that still surrounds you be a comfort to you now. God bless, and will keep you in my prayers.
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Thank you Jeannegibbs, however, I lost my mom 2 days ago.
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peeweedeb, crying is definitely appropriate in this situation, but not because you have let your mother down. You certainly have not! Perhaps the best kind of treatment now is Hospice. In addition to your great sadness, I hope you will be able to enjoy some quality time with your mother in the time she has left. I think Hospice can help with that goal.
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Dear Peewee,

Mt 78 yo mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer on May 7th, 2012. She had three radiation treatments before we all realized that her body was just not strong enough to accept the treatments. You have to ask your mom what she wants to do but it sounds to me that her doctors know that chemo will not perform any miracles for your mom. She, like my Mom, would probably prefer to spend her remaining days alert and as strong as she possibly can.

I am struggling with the fact that my mother is dieing even though there are days when she is completely fine. Trust those around you, trust your heart, and trust the thoughts and wishes of your mom.
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Peewee, I don't know if this will be of any comfort, but most oncologists are beginning to realize the pain and misery most people go through to survive chemo with any quality of life. It is brutal. Perhaps the doctors are trying to do for your mother what they tried to do for my father. His doctors allowed him to enjoy his family while he could and then helped us to let go. My father was ready to let go, too. We just were not ready to say goodbye. He and my mother had been married for 63 years, and she just firmly believed he would come home one day. He could not and was at peace. I am at peace because I know he was ready to go and needed too do so. He saw we would take care of Mom and that is what worried him.He let go and we finally accepted it. I hope I am not hurting you, and I could be very wrong. Like Cattails,I will keep you in my prayers and wish for peace. Rebecca
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Peewee, I'm so sorry about your mom. My own mom died one year ago of cancer, and chemo was never an option for her particular kind. I do know, that a person has to be physically strong to go through having poison pumped through their body, so the doctor could very well be right about that. Have you asked your mom what she wants to do? I remember when my mom was in the process of being cut open constantly, just trying to stay one step ahead of the cancer, that at some point we all had to admit we'd been beaten by this terrible disease. There wasn't any remorse of waving the white flag when we as a family finally gave up, just remorse at mom ever having to go through what she did, only to die anyway. Our family kept the lines of communication open, and mom had the freedom to discuss every step she did and didn't want to do. It was after all, her decision in the end. So sorry you have to go down this road. That stinks.
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Peewee: All I can say for sure is that you have never let your mother down. Never. You can't change her illness or the progression of her cancer. What you can do now is keep her as comfortable as possible. I hope you have Hospice on board. If your mom is having breathing problems that frighten her, it might be time for a morphine drip to ease her anxiety and allow her to pass peacefully.

I know this may not be what you want to hear and I wish I could honestly give you advise for more chemo or how to go about obtaining additional treatment. In my heart, however, I think the doctors may be right in saying she is too weak for additional chemo. They don't want to do that to an elderly woman if they feel it will end her life.

May I ask how your mom feels about all this. Is she ready to pass on? If she is tired of the fight and just wants peace, I hope that is a comfort to you because it is within your power to help in that regard.

Please forgive me if I've added to your distress. I care about you and your mom and realize how much you love her. My heart is with you both and I will keep you in my prayers.

Wishing you and your mom peace and comfort. Cattails
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