Jessie, does your mom have dementia? If so, her brain is, as we say, “broken”. She is not herself any longer. If you try to rationalize what she says to you and take her meanness and insults personally, it makes it worse. Even if she hasn’t been formally diagnosed with dementia, as we age, it’s very easy to get angry with Life and what it’s done to us. We tend to strike out at those who aren’t at fault and are just trying to help.
If your mother is having a bad day, don’t hover over her trying to make her happy and make things right. Chances are, you can’t. Just tell her you can see she’s having a difficult day and then go to another room, open a book or put your headphones on. If she is being mean, just walk away.
Jessies, you say on your profile that you don't want to put your 89 year old mother in a nursing home, and that she's getting worse.
You'll get lots of advice to have another think about that! - but for the moment, let's say okay, you want to keep your mother in her own home. Family is no help. What about your Area Agency on Aging, or organisations like that? Do you get support from anyone?
My Mom is 89. i live with her in her house. i am not getting any help from family members. She has gotten so mean and puts down everybody. i am not that way.
JessieS, you are not alone and will get lots of support and understanding here! Caregiving is one of the most challenging things anyone will do. Can you please provide more detail so we have a better idea of your situation?
How old is your mom? What is her mental and physical condition? Are you in her house or she in yours? Are you getting any help from any other family members? What is the current behavior that is pushing you to burnout?
If your mother is having a bad day, don’t hover over her trying to make her happy and make things right. Chances are, you can’t. Just tell her you can see she’s having a difficult day and then go to another room, open a book or put your headphones on. If she is being mean, just walk away.
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You'll get lots of advice to have another think about that! - but for the moment, let's say okay, you want to keep your mother in her own home. Family is no help. What about your Area Agency on Aging, or organisations like that? Do you get support from anyone?
How old is your mom? What is her mental and physical condition?
Are you in her house or she in yours?
Are you getting any help from any other family members?
What is the current behavior that is pushing you to burnout?
Thank you for answering if you can.