I'm sure this is a dumb question as I myself am in this situation. My grandma who clearly has some type of mental issue (though not stated by Dr) had (kinda still) verbally/mentally abusing me. I continued to go over and care for her (just company and make lunch/dinner, she's able to care for herself) until I guess 6, 7 months ago my cousin convinced me I'm doing nothing wrong by staying home, but I think the damage is already there. I'm nervous what she may say to me and I of course am ready to go with my parents places because (my dad jokes about everything so I don't know what's joke vs serious half the time) my dad always joking about how I never go anywhere (I like being home) and my mom kept urging me to go out so I went to see a movie with her I really shouldn't have (the father abused his son physically) just to make her happy (I did want to see it) but I have a hard time seeing even certain Cartoon (Disney) movies because of main characters treatment. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I see a therapist which helps, though I cry half the time. I feel like I can't say what I really feel because I'm supposed to be strong (idk just something I've told myself for too long I guess). I talk to my mom about it, who I'm really close with, but she's in denial about everything even though I told her things until I finally stopped because she didn't seem to be listening. Her mom finally snapped at her the other day (the same way she treats me) and my mom is still in denial. I guess I just am desperate for support. I guess I got myself into this (not sure where the line would've been where I had a choice or not) because I feel it's my job to look after my mom's parents (just her mom now her father's gone for 3 years). IDK, like I'm just supposed to put up with it because they're my grandparents she's allowed to treat me however and I'm just supposed to respect her (which I think I've done more than enough). I am 26, this started I guess when I was 20, 21 so I wasn't prepared for any of this. No please don't say anything about my mom taking care of her mom because that's not the case she's able to care for herself her attitude is the problem.
You do NOT owe your parents or grandparents anything but the respect due your elders. You DO NOT have to care for them, in their old age. If you are struggling with depression (which most CG's have--me included!) you really need to deal with that.
When I struggle with an angry mother or MIL, I tank. I am too emotionally invested in what they think about me--a mean word or two and I'm down for the count.
I'm slowly learning to self care. Sleep as much as I can and as good quality as possible. Work as much as I can. Do something everyday for someone else (not mother). Walk outside in the sun.
Toxic relatives are awful. My daughter simply washed her hands of some of our more "toxic" family, and while I thought she was being brutal, I know see as her being self preserving. For those of us with whom she still has a relationship, she's wonderful, calm, sweet and giving. She does not suffer fools. So, a lot of the crazies in the extended family, she never talks to. I admire this quality.
Take care of you. Take some time away from family, of possible. BE well.
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Have you considered getting a job and moving on from your family?
If not, why not? Are you disabled in some significant way and dependent upon your family for care?