Caregiver giving up.

((((((((hugs)))))))) imonoverload

Dear imonoverload,

I'm so sorry to hear how you feel. There is a lot on your shoulders. Try to be kind and gentle with yourself. If you are able to, try and reach out. There is help in the community and through church. I hope you can get more supports. Sending you love and hugs.

Thank you all for all the prayers and just being here this is what I need at this time 😢😢

Why is there a rollercoaster and who thought of this. The trauma of being the caregiver. I cry every time I think of mom. A memory pops into my head and I cry . My boss says you need to pull yourself together. I'm numb under water motionless drowning...I have been fine for a bit and now back to the beginning again...

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Talk to Hospice about their grief counseling services. It really does help

Overload I know the pain you are feeling. Trust me it will get more tolerable each day. Just remember to breathe. I know that probably sounds like a stupid suggestion but I notice when I am anxious my breathing gets shallower........I don't know if everyone is like that.

You are not alone........prayers for you.

I wish I could give you a hug, put my hand into your heart and take the pain and sadness away. All I can do though is wish you lots of love and peace, knowing that time will heal that empty space if not fill it, God Bless you and your family xxx

Overload, I'm so sorry that you are feeling so lost. ((((((Hugs))))))))

I'm so very sorry for your loss. There's something unique about being a daughter losing their mother. My mom left this world nine years ago and I still miss her everyday. Over time though, the pain lessens and the good memories of her bring happy thoughts. I pray this will happen for you and you will have peace in the days ahead knowing your mother is free from pain. Blessings

So traumatic for me. I don't ever want my kids to have to watch me die.

So lost numb. Oh it will get better. Just breathe. Um no not me. My heart is broken into a million pieces. Cant call mom like i did every day and that hurts the most. Moms lungs were so filled it sounded like she was drowning that death rattle awful. Guilt anger numb uncontrolled crying. Im so lost.

Hope you can find some rest and peace in the days ahead

Oh Overload. I'm so sorry for the loss of you too young mom. I don't wonder that this is bringing back the heartbreak of losing your brother!

Does your dad have someone with him? You and he both need time to grieve and to heal.

I hope that work will be a good distraction for you. Sometimes that helps.

Mom passed away may 30 at 1030 pm. I arranged memorial service. I arranged caterer service and a location. I have returned home an hour away. Yesterday was the service. I am returning to work tomorrow. My brother is still helping my dad. Im still crying. The anxiety and sadness. I worry that i need to drive to see my dad that maybe i need to take care of something else. I worry that my dad is not ok. I worry that my teenagers are going to be ok . my husband is my rock. Does this get easier. We lost my brother to terminal heart disease he lived to be 12 years old and his heart wasn't strong enough to go any further. The doctors told us he would not live past 1 month. So now all those memories are brought to my heart again.

Thinking about you here as well, inoverload. How are you doing? Please let us know when you get a chance. We're here for you.

Checking inoverload- how are you ?

Good morning from South Africa Overload, Forget everything else and just sit with her. Tell her the things you would like to say 6 months from now, hold her hand and comfort her. Play her favourite piece of music softly in the background. These things are far more important. I know you are feeling afraid and helpless but right now she is needing your support and strength. God bless you and your Mom right now. May He give you both peace and love at this time. Prayers and love x

God Bless You overload!

I am praying for you right now. 💝💝💝

Thank you all for the prayers. Im afraid if i try to sleep ugh. Nurse is coming and had me give the med crushed up for the agitation. I feel like this is the last night we will have. So my intuition is spot on and this is almost the end. Hospice is a blessing for mom to stay at home. 

Overload
Make yourself as comfortable as possible
A cup of tea, a snack some soothing music a pillow or favorite blanket

Prayers and hugs for you

So sorry, Overload.
Your Mom is leaving you much too early, much too young.
This is tragic for her, and so sad for you too.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers for strength.
Don't give up.

Mom has been sleeping since last night. She seems irritable at times. There is a wheezing when she breathes. She is refusing to take pills meds by mouth and thinks she cant swallow them. Swelling started this weekend and we needed to increase pain patch. I think mom is in transition. My heart is in a million pieces.

My goodness! You are so on overload I wonder how you had the energy to type this! As you know, this really cannot continue indefinitely. How is your brother doing? Is he on overload too?

Are you in therapy for your anxiety? Talk to your counselor about these tough choices.

Mother wants to stay home. (Doesn't everyone want to die in their own home?) To do that she needs someone in the house 24 hours a day. Hospice does not provide that. They can provide their care in a private home or a nursing home or in their own facility, if they have one. In the NH or their facility someone would be monitoring her around the clock. If she is in a private home, that has to be provided privately.

Can mom afford around the clock in-home care for a couple of days a week, reducing your load somewhat? Does she by any chance have a long term care policy? Are there other relatives or close friends that could cover some days? Who takes care of your dad while you are at your mother's? Does he live with her? You need a way to save some fmla days and to reduce your stress level. Knowing that your mother is dying is stressful enough, and you can't do much about that except talk to your therapist. But I sincerely hope you can make arrangements to lessen your load! Talk to the hospice people on Monday for suggestions.

You and your brother are doing heroic work. I know the feelings of anxiety and sadness overshadow every other feeling now, but you also deserve to feel very proud!

Mom just turned 60. Im just expressing my sadness and looking for all the positive feedback. Im learning more than i ever thought i needed. Asking for strength through Prayer.

Thank you for your response. My husband does the driving as we only have 1 car. My mom does not want to be in a facility. Hopefully hospice will be started Monday. I have the nurse out to check on mom today. My concern was using up all my fmla hours. I just hate that anyone has to go through anything like losing a loved one. Thank you for letting me vent.

Please give yourself permission to allow hospice to make your mom comfortable and take care of yourself. There is only so long someone can be on death vigil before it takes its toll. Death vigils were never meant to last a long time because they actually mean a period of **purposeful** sleeplessness. Your sleeplessness is no longer serving its purpose and is hurting you. You also are driving a lot in an impaired state from lack of sleep and that's neither good for you nor those with whom you share the road. Like they say on airplanes: "Put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others."

You are stretched way too thin, maybe it is time to consider a hospice facility for your mom. ((hugs))