Why I am a better caregiver than you?

Question

HAH-got your attention didn't I? First of all HOW DARE YOU??!! How dare you let a , as far you know, crazy faceless nameless poster on a forum EVER influence how you feel about yourself!!! Do not let any silly asinine statement on here EVER take away from who you know you are!!!!! You are all awesome! Now--why I am a better caregiver than you---

Because I am only part time. Yup. This last week(well actually the week before --it has taken me this long to recoup from my week) I had my Mom and I learned a very important thing--- I am a pretty good caregiver to her BUT mostly because I knew it was for a short time. Yes, I got her laughing and eating and I bathed her with much care and I smiled all week. And the entire time I was saying inside. 'this is only temporary, this is only temporary, this is only temporary....'

Now I am what I truly think of as a caregiver , to my girl but I am her Mom and so it is different. But you guys, YOU GUYS!!! You spouses and you children who are taking full time care of your loved ones -whether in your home or in an AL or NH ?!?!! Well, let me tell you , I would not be so smiley and not nearly so relaxed and not nearly as patient if I knew it was not temporary. I would not be nearly as "good" a caregiver if it was a permanent position. And I know this and I want to say how amazed and in awe I am of you all who do this full time.

And remember this--when your siblings or cousins or who-not come down and watch Mom or Dad for a day or even a week and say "why it was no problem! I don't know why you make it seem so hard" tell them to bite you! Because they were saying '. This is only temporary , this is only temporary , this is only temporary ....' in their heads whether they want to admit it or not.

((((hugs)))

Mishka

Stressed52 · Accepted Answer

Even those of us who have been doing this for years keep saying it is only temporary, we are just saying it with less zeal than we use to.

ChristinaW · Answer

ihanaa, you need to get out here more. We have nothing but fun and distraction from the whacko world of caregiving! Wheeee!!
Hilarity Rules! It will keep you sane. When we laugh at absurdity, it gives a fresh perspective. You just have to be careful not to get hysterical, or you're back to whacko again! Heehee. Have fun:) xo

ihanaa · Answer

Mishkam your post did not intimidate me at all, It just made me wonder/curious to see what it was about.  But this is the first time that I've seen everyone whooping it up on here and enjoying them selves. Thanks everyone for making me smile this morning, My 24/7 life really needed that !!!

caregiveryes · Answer

Thank you thank you thank you.  Someone that really understands.  I am like someone else above, I took almost total care of my mom for years and then at the end my sister comes and then leaves me with Dad now too.... 'he's just fine'.   I even had the 'pleasure' of listening to suggestions from relatives who had not called or seen my mom but maybe once or twice a year.  I hope the original poster calls the friend or relative she was taking the place of for two weeks and says Thank you, I had no idea how difficult care giving was.

CandiceT1 · Answer

OMG - Spot on Mishka!  I only wish my siblings took the time to follow a site like this one to try to understand what I do or feel.  Oh well, at least I am sure of myself.

angelwhyspers · Answer

Mishka I just had to see what you had up your sleeve, as I feel there is so much work behind caring for someone. I thought maybe you discovered a new technique to make the job a little simpler. But one thing for sure you did attract attention and I'm sure that you put a big smile on a lot of care givers faces and in their hearts. Thank you so much and a big hug to you. Ps with that sense of humar you are a great care giver. Take care

sharynmarie · Answer

Oh yes, toasted walnuts any berries sounds yummy.   I know what I'm having when I get home tonight.

MishkaM · Answer

Oops-hi trycope51!  Glad you lgot a laugh!!! :0)))

MishkaM · Answer

Enjoyed your posts guys! Captain, I didn't know you were a cook! Pretty neato! And Book,-hi! I know you are full up with caregiving!! And , actually, Mom might come back at the end of July.-- for a few days ;)
Ladde-sorry if my title startled you -(hee hee- no really, sorry -I was in an ornary mood).
Hi Christina! How are you???:0)
Laura, Wilma, Allison--you guys totally got what I was aiming for-yay.
Yaya-you always make me laugh-your visual of your MIL(MIL right ?) made ME get a visual !! :^0

All in all Mom and I had a good week. Sophie got very mad at her Papa when he came to take Nana back home--it really made my Mom feel good, I think, as she sometimes expresses that she feels like she has nothing to offer. She still drives me nuts with her bell ringing and her Requip but , again, "it was only temporary"

(((hugs))))

MishkaM · Answer

Hi all! Wow-you guys are so cool! Sorry I haven't even seen your posts! I had a few beers Friday, posted on the Happy hour thread and then clonked out! Heehee! Just now getting back on.

So glad most of you got my little thread. I really do think you full time caregivers are awe inspiring. Not that part timers don't do a lot either, just, well, it is different.

I gotta go back and read all your posts! BBL :0)

trycope51 · Answer

You know i like humor..lol!!

ChristinaW · Answer

Hey Capn! Maybe you can fill the Paula Deen time slot of food network? WhooHoo!
SharynMarie, I like that salad, too. Sometimes I add toasted walnuts with raspberries or strawberries, field greens, red onions, and a little gorgonzolla with the vinegrette.
Yum, drool. The aroma of pork shoulder with garlic, fresh oregano, kosher salt and cracked pepper is wafting thought the house... guacamole made and pico de gallo next.
All of you are much better caregivers than I, I'm sure:) xo

anonymous158299 · Answer

i like how the hospice people come by and play the hero for 1 hour then go on their merry way. i understand they have an unenviable job but really, how hard is it to be the hero for 1 hour? incidently our doc got in their a**es about being too pushy around here and theyve been noticably easier to get along with.

sharynmarie · Answer

Book~A simple yummy 3 ingredient salad....spinach leaves, shredded turkey, and sliced strawberries...add a raspberry vinegarette.  If you are willing, sliced red onion, and grape tomatoes.  Probably not  a good choice for your dad, but it sure is yummy on these hot days of summer.

WilmatheCat · Answer

I want to know what was stupid too???
Captain, can you please freeze up any of your left-overs and ship to me?? It would be much appreciated :-)

anonymous158299 · Answer

my gosh ive been put on a diet. ive developed the slightest pinch around my waistline and mom sez she might not bring home any more pb and jelly cause she thinks its making me less than appealing. thats as creepy as it is funny..

anonymous158299 · Answer

it took me years to figure out how the older country women could fry up a tough old yard rooster and make his muscular azz tender enough to fall off the bone. when you cook in iron with a tight fitting iron lid youre essentially pressure cooking at 10 - 15 psi. duh !! with the absense of atmospheric oxygen higher temps can be realized. otherwise water boils at 212 degrees. alcohol cooks off at 173 degrees so yes, your pressure canner can double as a still. but thats another story for another day. lol

ladee1 · Answer

Fantastic thread...... I know I had a 'knee jerk' reaction to the title, thanks for the humor, the sincere feelings, and for the pat on the back.... I am a paid caregiver, and mine is only temporary and I know how burned out I am.... but have more than one charge.... but never think I don't appreciate and honor all the "24/7 Club Members" out there, was a live in ONE time, never again..... so thanks for this thread and making everyone feel valued...... hugs to you!!!!!!

sharynmarie · Answer

I agree Book...what was stupid...people letting loose...their hair down and some laughs to release the stress???  OMG how dare us caregiver's get a pat on the back or share a laugh with each other!!

bookluvr · Answer

Ellie, What is stupid?  Did you even Read the whole post Without skipping a sentence????

bookluvr · Answer

Captain, it needs to be as few ingredients as possible and nothing that takes soooo long!  Like 15 minutes max sounds good to me.  30 minutes? I would forget that I'm cooking something on the stove.

Elliebabe · Answer

That was really stupid.

AliBoBali · Answer

Bless you, Mishka, for being honest.... for knowing what honest is...

I think most of our siblings won't let themselves "go there." Not even for a minute. Because then that means the guilt, and the need to help, will follow. So the caregivers go it alone.

Its what we do.

And captain, you need to teach me and bookluvr how to cook. ;D

Love you guys.

laurabmundy · Answer

Lol... If I had a quarter for every time I heard a relative say how "easy" caregiving was... I would be RICH! Of course they all said this while NOT helping a bit!

Thank you Mishka for the kind words you posted. Many of us NEVER receive kind words for the tasks we complete on a daily basis.

Have a GREAT day!

WilmatheCat · Answer

MishkaM - Yup, it worked - you got my attention immediately!! and I thank you so much for your kind words and genuine feelings.  When I'm having a bad day, week, month (been almost 3 years now of 24/7 caregiving), I repeat a similar mantra "this won't last forever, this won't last forever - I'll miss Dad so very, very much when he's not around anymore".  I'll probably yearn for one more day of coaxing him for an hour to change his wet pants and Depends. I'll chuckle when I hear him tell me "they're just damp; they'll dry out on their own".

anonymous158299 · Answer

there are better caregivers in this world but if i might give myself one little pat on the back; man im the best cook i have ever known. puff pastry, filled pastry, soups, stews, yeast bread in every form. its old hat to me. venison / rice stuffed bell peppers, lay it on me, ill produce. in my county we say it aint bragging if you done it. lol. take my sausage / cheese whole wheat loaf of bread. slice that into french toast and you are happ'nin. not braggin as much as informing you sweet girls that im a competitive sob in the kitchen..

bookluvr · Answer

You're right, Mishka. When the caregiving is only temporary - for the day or for the weeekend or for a week, it IS easy. Because in your head, "It's only temporary. Thank God I don't do this all the time for the rest of the year. ...year after year." Deep down, I bet that's what our siblings say.

My siblings came when mom was dying. When they left, they all Conveniently Forgot how hard it is for me to deal with father. Out of sight, Out of mind.

I truly did enjoy your comment above. I will admit that I saw the title of your discussion earlier and had no incentive to read it. After I read your comments, I can see why you said it that way. But, I do think the title will turn off people from reading it. Too bad. I'm glad that you DID enjoy your mom. Soooo, when is the next time??? {{laughiing}}

yaya51 · Answer

Mishka you're a sweetheart! After the week I just had your words were like a giant hug.....big HUGS back at ya!

sharynmarie, those clothespins are the squeezie-pinchie kind, right? Argh! Just got a visual of my MIL running through a sprinkler wearing nothing but her Lifeline necklace......**shudder!!**

MishkaM · Answer

Yay-BoniChak!! :0) so glad I made you happy !  You guys deserve it!  XXOO!

BoniChak · Answer

That was GREAT Mishka! How wonderful of you to give us the pat on the back we don't get often enough!  You made my day! So glad your week went well.....and that you made it to Happy Hour!

Why I am a better caregiver than you?

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