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J
Jeanen Posted February 2013

I feel like I am being taken advantage of.

I have 5 other sibblings. No one will help only complain about everything.
Mom is in a nursing care center, but i feel like I have to see her every day.
because the others will not go see her. I am very depressed.

Jeanen Feb 2013
Thank you so much every one. Your advice is good, and I needed to hear it from those who have been there. I think I get so involved I just can't see clearly. If I want to leave inside of an hour or two, mom begs me to stay (yes actually begs)and I end up feeling like a piece of crap. I know I'm being manipulated, but don't know how to handle it.I do have some siblings call me if I don't go over everyday. I will just have to as you say (deefer12) deal with them. She does not have dememtia? At least not diagnosed. I do her laundry. The nursing center where she lives has lost so many of her clothes that I finally took her laundry home and did it myself. It is alot cheeper that way. I shop for her. Pay her bills. And anything else that is needed. I took care of her in my home until I was no longer
able. I enjoy reading this site. So much of it rings true. Thank you everyone.

deefer12 Feb 2013
Taken, good answers by everyone. Don't make yourself crazy trying to visit mom everyday. It won't do either of you any good if you resent "having" to do it. As for your sibs, I have learned not to expect anything from the 6 I have! It's not worth stressing yourself over what they do or don't do. Save yourself the trouble and let your issues with them go! It will be tough enough dealing with your own problems.

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AlwaysMyDuty Feb 2013
Do yourself a favor and forget what your sibs are or aren't doing. You can't make them do stuff nor should you. They're adults, maybe not acting as such, but adults nonetheless. Oh I know what it's like to have absolutely no help from my sib and if I could go back in time, I'd save myself from years of resentment and anger. It only hurt me, she was perfectly fine with staying away from mom. Also, saying she will reap what she sows...well, that's not my call either. Go see your mother when you can handle it, period. Not every day, it's upsetting you too much. Go when you can have a good visit. You're heart and mind will be a lot happier.

jeannegibbs Feb 2013
Look in the mirror. That's the only person whose behavior you can control. If you don't want to go everyday, don't go everyday. If you are going even when you don't want to, then resentment seems out of place. It is your decision.

Whose rule is it that Mother should be visited by one of her children everyday? Did you make that up? Did your 5 siblings get a vote? How did you get to be in charge of making up the rules? (It is a good rule, I think, but that isn't my point. It is not a universal rule.) You can decide how often to visit your mother. You can't decide how often your sisters/brothers must visit your mother. I assume that you are all grown up and can make your own decisions.

Either do it because you want to, or don't do it. Doing it and resenting doing it doesn't make any sense to me.

ChristinaW Feb 2013
You don't have to go every day, for your own sanity as well as to "not be taken advantage of." If you go every day and your siblings know it, not one will step up. You must force yourself to stay away. Does your Mother have dementia? If so, she will not count the minutes. Her sense of time is not there, while yours is hyper-aware. You cannot change your siblings, but you can measure and control yourself so that you do not become obsessed with your "duty."
Perhaps at least one more of your Mother's children will sense the need to share this responsibility with you. Start thinking that way; expect it and be positive. Live your life and see your Mom a couple times a week--that's all. I wish you the best.

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