I have taken care of my mother since I was 9-10 yrs old. Mom has had something wrong all the time., dad worked away most of the time, and on top of that I had 3 younger sibling to look after. Mom chooses to live alone in the country and expects people to come and take care of her ,Drs appt,groceries,bills paying, bank etc. I'am now 58 with a full time job, she has lived with my sisters several times and they no longer want her back with them because she is demanding, and only thinks of herself it dosen't matter what is going on in there lives, you are expected to put your life aside and do for her..... Mom spent about 2 wks with me last year and that is all that I could handle, mostly she would say and do things to make me cry,,, and than say that she is lonely and even in my own home she felt isolated ,hated it here only because I had to go to work and I wasn't there for her!!!! I took her back home and since than I feel like I no longer care what happens ,she can live there and find her own way..After all these yrs enough is enough .I know that this is wrong to feel this way and if I knew how to change I would. But all feelings are gone.Don't get me wrong when she calls and needs something or help I will do it for her, but only if I have decided that it is necessary right now or if she can wait.
I'am ashamed for the way that I feel, But I don"t want to help her any more.
I would welcome any imput as to what I should do to help alleviate this feeling. My sisters have gotten her people to come in and help her out,offered suggestions as telephone numbers, list of people in the area,agencies.. But only to find out later that she thru the information in the garbage !

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Those of you who have answered w/ facts or hearts full of empathy -- my hat is off to you. Carolinet, I empathize with you as well. Been there, still living it. Look for helpful information about dealing with narcissistic behavior disorders. One book is "Stop walking on eggshells," it helps to put things in perspective with the anger/guilt feelings.
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At the age of 9, you were already a parentified child; and for 1/2 a century all you've done is take care of everyone else.

Do NOT feel guilty about having had to draw the line. Your manipulative Mom needs to accept the fact she can't be the center of attention, whether her needs are real of imaginary.

Next time you visit, if she starts putting you down the moment you get there just turn around and walk away. She might have brought you into the world, but that's not a license for her to treat you like dirt.
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What you are feeling is so common with adult children of narcistic parents. You feel obligated and hate that responsibility and then feel guilty. You have every right to feel the way you do and how you are handling it. Some people are just not worth the time and effort of our help no matter who it is. You have given up trying on a worthless cause, good for you! Live your life first and do only what you want to do. You are not your mother's keeper!
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This may be inappropriate, and is meant with 80% humor and good spirit and 20% hey, this may work..........Here is my thought: since your Mother and my Mother In Law seem to be sharing the same brain, why don't I send my MIL to your Mother and let them "sympathize" the days away?!?! ;-)
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My heart goes out to you - try not to be so hard on yourself - you have been doing so much since you were a child. Your mother sounds to most likely have a narcissistic personality - always having something wrong all the time; everything is about her; if not other undiagnosed problems.

She appears to not want help - does she have dementia? She is refusing all help from the outside, yet chooses to live in the county. What else can you do?
Please try to not feel badly about how you feel - it is nothing to be ashamed of. You have good reasons. Do you have POA and Health Care Proxy in place? These can be invaluable documents should you have to take action if things get worse.

Call the local elder services in the town where she lives - they should be able to direct you to some help as they are a wealth of knowledge. You can only do so much when she is flat out refusing help. Blessings to you - you are a wonderful daughter and entitled to how this situation has made you feel. It is not your falut. Take care and hope you can get some help.
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