When Mom set up her living trust, she named my sister and I both as Power of Attorney. What do we do if we don't agree?

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thats true kathy.. but i think they do know, thats why they're living so far away..and trying to 'lay foundations' already.
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Ez; Exactly my point. I'm trying to avoid all the scenarios you've presented. When it comes to Mom's health directive, we are all on the same page. When it comes to the property etc, there could be problems.
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I am very surprised that the Attorney who set up the Living Trust and POA papers allowed this to pass through without some discussion about the pitfalls of having co-equal decision makers. Is there also a Living Will for Health Care? If so, are you both POA for life sustaining issues? It is common practice to have a back-up POA named in case the primary is not available when needed. Having two people who generally disagree with each other tends to make a bad situation worse and usually at the worst possible time. And that is the very situation that these Legal Tools are supposed to help us avoid. Bing "both equal beneficiaries in the trust and both executors of the Will" is not a problem if your mom's Will specifies how you are to divide up the estate. The Living Trust is meant to keep the estate out of the probate tax loop. In effect you are now co-owners of the home and other named property with your mom. When she passes on, then you two can decide on your own what to do with the home. If your sister wants to sell but you want to keep the home, you can buy her share and you both get get what you want. However, the dual POA role is more complicated. If your mom becomes incapacitated and requires Assisted Living or a Nursing Home, you and your sister would have to decide how to pay for it. If your solution is to sell or mortgage your mom's home and she refuses then there is no clear deed to the home so it cannot be sold or mortgaged and your mom is left without care
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Fixer; Thanks for your insight. We are both trying to do what's best for Mom, but we are such different types of people and would handle situations in totally different ways. It sounds like your siblings are supportive - even if it's because they don't want to do the job. We are okay regarding Mom's health wishes...it's the money where things get sticky...but then, isn't that always the way?
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I have POA for my mother along with another brother and sister. Since Mom is living with me, I take care of her monthly finances, my sister does her yearly taxes and goes to mom's doctors appointments with me. My brother lives a few hours away in the town Mom lived in before her stroke, he worked with the realtor in selling Mom's home. We all discussed and agreed on how to invest the money from the sale of her house. Although I'm making all the daily decisions regarding Mom's care I send out emails to all my siblings (there are 7 of us) updating them on how she's doing, getting their input on questions I have. They have all been very supportive, mainly because they don't want my job.

So keep communicating with your sister, do a what if scenario about the things that you are worried about. if your mother has a living will make sure both of you know what her wish are. When you are both looking at the situation as what is best for Mom, I think you'll agree or come to a compromise. Good Luck!
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Ed;

I am anticipating what I see as a possible potential problem, and I'm looking for advice and possible remedies before the problems start. I don't call that trying to be the fairest in the land...I call it being responsible and smart.
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K:

I can't believe you're locking horns to see who's the fairest in the land. Your mom wants you to share the responsibility for her care and overall well-being; not to be cat-fighting. If there are no underlying motives to this tug of war and both of you genuinely want what's in her best interest, make a list of everything she needs and split it. And you better find a way to collaborate, or your mom just might appoint someone else.

I'm sure she can sense the friction between you, and it's causing her unnecessary stress. If I were her, I'd revoke the POA.

-- ED
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Sebring, Maybe someone else on this loop can offer you advice. Having been a caregiver for my brother after his stroke, I think family just doesn't realize how much time, effort, and patience it takes to be a caregiver. If they aren't involved in the care or just pop in for fun outings etc, they have no clue how hard it is. I think you just have to remember that you are caring for you dad out of your love for him. Sometimes others just can't or aren't willing to step up to the plate. Hang in there.
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my sister and i are equal , except that im living in the house taking care of dad when she lives 7 hours away. i already know she wants to sell the house, she said that when mom died, but i gave up my sec8 and basicly my life to move in here to help dad, i dont understand why shes all visious all the sudden
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LynnPO, That's the route we've been going. Each of us saying that we don't want conflict, that Mom wouldn't like it etc. I'm hoping that is true on her part. (I know it's true on mine).

Beta, It's really a mess. I'm grateful that I had only one child and she won't have to go through this mess.
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