Finding out the truth about a will/trust...kinda angry, very hurt.

Follow
Share

Mother has always stored her "papers" in a safe in her bedroom. She has freely told all of us we are welcome to read the trust and know what's in it. I've never had any desire to do so, but today while I was cleaning, I saw it and thought "what the heck? I really SHOULD know what her "last wishes" are, since I am a daughter and my sis and I will be handling all that stuff, eventually and I don't even know what she wants to be dressed in...
Wow.
First off, no surprise, mother has basically no savings, no investments, one whole life policy worth a few thousand bucks....BUT she had made addendums to the will saying that I "owe" the trust $1500 (I have NO idea why!) My brother owes it $6000 (She lives with him and he is her go to guy for everything and is not paid a cent..I know he doesn't know of this "debt"). AND my sister to whom my parents loaned a large sum of money was "forgiven" the remaining debt of $60,000. AND she is reinstated to receive her "portion" of the estate. My deceased brother took well over $100,000 from mother and dad, never paid them back, but his 4 kids will be inheriting his 1/6th portion. They have not seen mother in years and have no contact with her.
Now, I have no problem with inheriting next to nothing, but I'll be D#MU^& if I have to first fork over $1500 for something I don't even remember asking for nor receiving? The only thing I can think of is my mother wants me to pay her back for my orthodontic work from the 70's. I know that amount is almost exactly what it cost.


Has anyone ever encountered this? It was SO bizarre to me. And my brother who is at Mother's beck and call every second of everyday has to find $6000??


Probably serves me right for looking, but I wasn't snooping, I was trying to figure out what mother wanted as her "last wishes". Wow, just wow. Once again, the "favorites" come up smelling like roses and even if she ever dies, she'll still get her digs in at me. (FYI--this was fairly recently updated, but the "debt to the trust" dates back to 1996.)


Well, if nothing else, as my hubby and I start really pulling together our trust we will be sure to be 100% fair and equable, which we have tried so hard to be with our 5 kids.


I'm just venting, but wow, I feel like I've been punched in the guts.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
17

Comments

Show:
I meant to add what my sassypants grandmother wrote in HER will, which I had not heard until last night. She had 2 daughters, my mother and a wild, free spirited brat 12 years younger than mom. She took and took and was just a general pain in the tush. She'd fly grandma to San Antonio once a year for a few days and call it good. Of course, she wanted EVERYTHING from Gram's place mailed to her (we're in Utah). Mother pulled out the will and this is what it said "ANYONE who contests this will in any way shape or form gets $1 and my eternal disgust." Aunt quickly shut her mouth and just took her 1/3 and we never saw her again. (22 years!)
(0)
Report

Midkid. Amen
(0)
Report

Just to close out this funny subject:
I called my brother who will be mother's executor and shared this lovely "tidbit" with him, ASSUMING he had seen it and all.
He was appalled--No, the copy of the will HE has which is the most up to date and doesn't include the slap in the face codicil. He was actually really upset for a minute. Then I asked him if he wanted the money in check or cash and he started laughing. Both of us felt that the brother who "owes" the trust $6000 should NEVER find out about it. What a horrible last thing to read from the mother you cared for 18 years?? He has fetched, toted, bathed and babied her to pieces. And it's going to get MUCH worse before she dies. If anything, he should receive the lion's share of anything she has left. He has literally ruined his health over the stress of having the parents there for so long. (18 years, daddy died 12 years ago).
In short, I told executor brother where to find said "document" and said "You shouldn't destroy it, it obviously was meant to be found, but as executor, I know you'll make the right decision". He's going to get the paper, put it in a sealed envelope and shred it the day mother dies. Brother will never know.

I am glad I called him, this wasn't bothering ME, but I thought and thought about how hurtful this would have been to the brother who has given up his LIFE to care for mother--and how he'd probably never recover emotionally from such a hurtful thing.

Lesson learned. Leave only kindness behind in your "final wishes". Take any anger you have towards your progeny and let it be buried with you.
(3)
Report

Wills, ugh! I've seen my FIL lie to my husbands face about his will, telling him he "couldn't remember" who'd he'd named as executor, when he knows perfectly well it's his favored son. We don't care who it is, just be honest for goodness sake! And in my dysfunctional mess, I'm now executor of my dad's will when the time comes due to him believing my brother had to be removed because of his bankruptcy and foreclosure. Several relatives owe my dad money, my brother many thousands that my dad will never see, and I'm supposed to "deduct" all these owed monies from their shares of the estate. Yay, me! Will likely be left with a huge fight and not being spoken to again---wait, that could be a good thing, hmmm....Anyway, just chiming in to say I hate the way these wills/trusts can cause hurt, be used to wield a final jab, and make the ones carrying it out be in terrible positions. I hope we've written something easy and fair, and won't be doing this crap to our kids.
(1)
Report

Midkid - doesn't sound like you are seeing this for anything more than it is - a final smack down. Certainly you won't have to pay anything as there is no proof of a debt but besides that - you would have had to sign something agreeing to "repay". I suspose anyone can say "daughter Jane owes me a million dollars " in their will but that doesn't make it so.

It never ceases to amaze me how people like to use a will to control, reward, punish etc. It's a final slap from the grave that is impossible to respond to.

Recently something similar happened to me and my brothers. Middle brother had taken moms computer months ago. Just recently he discovered a file with an autobiography. Mom wrote it in her late seventies when she was still in her "right mind". In it mom takes a swipe at all three of her children. Some things were out and out untrue and other things were so distorted you could barely recognize the situation.

The worst part of this is I am 100% sure it was my mothers intention for this little nugget to be discovered. Nice, huh?

The bottom line for my take away in my situation is frustrating. Lately I've been making a huge effort to let go of my bitterness and anger towards my mother - with her being dead and all, the only person still twisting is me. But how can I let it go when the hits just keep on coming?
(1)
Report

Thanks again--it was my SON I talked to (texted, so not very satisfying!) not brother.

Yeah, mom goes rogue now and then and it's often me who gets the flak. I did find her papers about her funeral plans which was what I was looking for, I actually knew she was "leaving us" very, very little. It's just that $1500 "bill" for something I know nothing about really hurts.

Told my hubby and he frankly DOES NOT CARE. He is so sick of my mother's antics, all he said was "The executor will execute the will, You have to trust your brother. She can't "bill you" for something w/o some kind of bill or invoice or anything!" Then told me to get over it. (He's awesome, what can I say? It would be nice to have NO emotions at all :)

I AM glad I read this now and didn't find out about it after she dies. That would have been so bitter. Now I can process this and let it go long before she dies.

I just don't understand why my mother dislikes me so very, very much. That just is what I take away from this. Not the money, but the "bill". Love of heaven, what kind of person DOES this to their child?? She made this out 21 years ago--has she been that mad for that long??
(0)
Report

I'd get an opinion from someone who REALLY knows Wills and Trusts. I wouldn't rely on brother's word. The Executor may distribute property, but, it has to be according to the terms of the Will.

And not all attorneys are familiar with Trusts. It's very specific and if you don't work with them a lot, you don't likely know what the requirements are.
(2)
Report

Freqflyer, Your story about identifying only Iowa as the place to be buried reminded me of an old story told about Yogi Berra

When asked where he wanted to be buried...he replied "surprise me"
(2)
Report

My inlaws often changed their Will's, and spoke about it too, it was a yucky feeling, actually. When one of the other 2 kids would fall out of favor, and then they would have a change of heart, and be right back to the lawyers office to change things up again.

My husband, who has been the only constant child in the equationall these years, has been screwed out of so much, as originally, they intended to bequeath him their lake front home, but then ended up selling it, because their daughter had run up 68 thousand dollars on 4 different Credit card bills, forging her Mother's name on them. They found out, and realized that their home was about to have Lein's put against it. After the house was sold, they made deals with the CC companies, and paid off the majority of the debt, but we're forgiven part of it. Just some of the nasty things their other 2 kids did, to Bilk money out of them.

Now that my MIL has passed, my FIL has been able to keep his will maintained, with no changes, so clearly, my MIL was large and in charge, when it came to their finances, and allowing those 2 to get away with screwing them out of loads of money. Oh well, you can't take it with ya! Now, my FIL, will probably end up spending the rest on ASSISTED LIVING expenditures, and that's just fine by me! I never expected to inherit anything in the first place, but I'm pretty sure my husband, who has housed and cared for his Dad for the past 13 years, sure did. I say freedom and peace of mind, are a much better way to go.

So sorry you were upset by seeing her will, but at least now, you know what to expect. It's still tough, as I'm sure your feelings were hurt.
(1)
Report

I am also pretty sure you won;t have to "pay the trust back",, at worst they would deduct it from your "inheritance" But I also feel there would need to be proof of what you owe!
(2)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions