I'm tired of explaining to my mother why she can't go home from the nursing home.

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Every so often, my mother will let me know that she wants to go home which is the case today. She says she's not doing anything but eating three meals and staying in bed which is true, but she's chosen not to work with PT. Her sister from out of town called her today and told her that she could go home if she would start walking. I think my mom is also worried about her husband who is looking weak lately and has been falling at home. The last time he and his helper had mom at home she was able to use a walker and feed herself, but was forgetful about medicine. After 8 days, they had all but let her starve, dehydrate and loose all the moving ability she had gained after her stroke in February. I got her into an assisted liviing place, but in April she fell and broke her hip after which she gave up and went to the nursing home. It would be nice if she was healthy enough to go home, but she's not and no one at home is healthy enough for her to go home.


3930 helpful answers
I'm sad for you, but you have lots of company. People cope with this all the time.

You are making sure she gets the care she needs, and she is making the choice not to do her PT. It sounds as though her husband may be joining her rather than her joining him!
There is a track record on her health to back you up. Of course she says she wants to go home. She is worried about her husband and also she is bored. She likely refuses to take part in any activities offered, to - am I right? That is common.

Hang tough. It's get old to have to explain yourself. Try and keep it short and sweet and move on to different topics.

Take care,
How about making your mom's doctor "the heavy," by asking your mother, "Have you asked your doctor about this?" That takes the pressure off you, and you can tell her how much you love her, and are taking care of her other needs... That sets boundaries and puts the "responsibility" for her medical care where it properly belongs, taking the pressure off you. Hope that helps!
Thanks for the idea about letting my mother's doctor play the heavy.

Along with not doing PT, she does not participate in the activities for one thing she will not let them get her out of the bed and put her in a chair every day for a few minutes.
That's too bad, as she is only hurting herself for not cooperating, which I'm sure you are aware. Sad. Does she lack competency, and not understand?
She tells me that she understands but then does not do anything. Her neurologist told me several months ago when we saw him that he could not perceive her muscles even trying to help her stand up out of the wheel chair.

The nursing home doctor told me back in January that she knew when my mother first got there at the end of April that she had given up. Her mother did the same thing after she broke her hip.
Awwwwww. My heart goes out to her, you, and your family. Does she get to visit with her husband?
Yes, his helper takes him there almost every day which has not been possible for the last couple of weeks due to a vius which made the rest home go under quarenteen. That may have added to her boredom. I think she feels bad to see her husband weaker and to hear of his falling at home which is not a good sign. My step-siblings really need to pay attention to what is going on with him, but they have their heads elsewhere.
Can you keep them "connected" by way of the internet, through video chat, telephone, or pictures? This may help both of them.
They have talked with each other by phone. He is now visiting again since the quarenteen was lifted the end of last week. He has never gone on line and she has not been online in over a year. I asked her if she misses it and she said not at all. She could not do anything with it anyhow.
My thoughts are with you. Its hard when a person can't and won't help themselves and you are there to watch AND to field the blame and offer explanation to everyone else.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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