MIL cannot forgive or forget.
This is a vent, just a vent, people, since hubby will NOT talk about his mom with me.
Long story short: She hated me before I married her son. (I was 20, and he was 25). I KNEW she hated me (hate is even too kind a word for it--but it's the best I can do)
In my newlywed belief, I could MAKE this woman care for me.
NOTHING I have done has changed her opinion. She harbors a grudge like no one I have ever met. She had a "scary" delivery with my hubby, so every year on his b-day, he gets to hear her tell the story, word for word and start his day out with that.
Of course over the years as I "grew up" and had my own large family and such, I learned a lot of lessons. Most by making mistakes and learning from them not to repeat them (esp with her) but she doesn't let go.
About 10 years ago, as hubby was going through a terribly brutal form of chemo after his liver transplant (may I add that she did not ever call nor visit him in the hospital, not once in the 5 weeks he spent there) she called me. I had just walked in the house after a long 8 hr day tearing out sheetrock at a home my sister and I were "flipping". I had just begun dinner and she called and I put the phone on speaker and she proceeded for 45 minutes to "bullet point" everything she could about my personality, character and what she referred to as "unforgiveable faults". I kept on making dinner and she ranted and raved, tears streaming down my face. She ended with "You have ruined my son's life and ANY chance he had for happiness. You GAVE him this disease (no, I did not, he contracted HepC somewhere else and he had it when I married him). She said she never wanted me near her home or her. Hung up.
Of course I was upset and when hubby came home, he just sighed and said, "well you know mom". End of discussion.
So I have not been to her house, unless absolutely necessary. All pics of me were thrown out (acc to SIL). She doesn't acknowledge me or talk to me at the once a year family party.
Last night we had a niece with a brand new baby come to town. We had an informal BBQ at my daughter's. MIL sits right next to me and (OK, she's totally deaf and talks VERY LOUDLY) proceeds to remind me of some event 30+ years ago where she felt I was being snotty and rude. I sat there like a dummy, trying to figure out what the heck she was referring to. By the time it hit me, the whole family is sitting there, dumb with shock that she remembers word for word that some dr had called me a "thoughtless b*tch". Silence for a few---here's hubby's chance to say ANYTHING in my favor and he does nothing. I was tearing up, so embarrassed--and nobody sticks up for me. She felt that silence was indicative that she could continue, so she threw in a couple more zingers and I said "Well, that was a long time ago, I'm sorry you were in such horrible pain. I'm sure I was totally in the wrong, as usual, and you have my permission to cling to that". I got up from the table and went in the house. Asked my SIL to take me home, and he said "sure"--but leaving would have made her feel she'd "won"--so I stayed.
This woman does not know that she wouldn't have received a single B-day, Christmas or Mother's Day gift if I had not purchased it and FORCED my hubby to see her.
Nothing to be done. Nothing to be said. Just made for an awkward moment and a sad night. I wish my hubby could stick up for me, but he won't. He would not discuss it in the car on the way home and even when I asked him why he wouldn't say anything to her to "defend me" he says it isn't worth it.
So, that's it. Just a rant. And she wonders why nobody goes to see her.
One thing for sure, I am a helluva good MIL. I had to deal with her for 41 years, I learned exactly NOT what to do/say.