Help, I don't think I can go on. Meanness not dementia.
My MIL moved in with us last June after a grandson she raised couldn't take her abuse. She was unable to live on her own, because she no longer drives and would constantly call us to come. So we moved her in. In the past 10 months so has thrown her cane at us several times and messed up the house during a tantrum because we went to a cookout without her. (We can't take her anywhere, she is rude to people and it's embarrassing) I buy her special frozen dinners and can goods just for her during the work day. (she is physically able to feed, dress herself and take meds) She feeds herself during the week, but on the weekends when we are home she refuses to fix anything and will not eat unless we fix it and bring it to her. She is constantly asking us when we are leaving, where we are going, and saying rude things to us. Last month was our daughter's 20th bday. She refused to tell her a happy birthday or do anything for her, yet she pays the grandson's who left cell phone bill. When I asked her why she did this to her granddaughter she said 'because I didn't want to wish her a happy birthday'. I will fix her dinner special since I eat Nutrisystem and my daughter is 20 and is never home and the hubby doesn't eat as much as he used too. So I will go out of my way to fix her meals and she will call me B!tch. Today she was going to hit my husband with her cane because he was spending time with me when I came home from shopping. I reached for the cane so that she could not hit him and she punched me. Yep, hurt too. No, I'm not pressing charges. She's my husband's mother. I respect love him and wouldn't for his sake. But she scares me. She lies and tells her brother and sister we are mean to her. (I take her to town every week when I do my grocery shopping, so she can get out of the house) We live very far out in the country so we don't go shopping during the week. She was used to the nephew taking her to Walmart daily. I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid to have the assessment done for a mental, because she isn't mental. There is no dementia or anything there, she's just mean. She's always been like this. She has abused and lied about or to the good responsible kids and none of them will take her. The other two (her favorites, that she would cut your throat for) they never come around unless they need her money. We don't take her money. She has plenty to spend on whatever she wants, she has good food available and fixed for her, we take her to all her eye doc, hearing aid, medical and dentist appts. We lose vacation days to do this. She sits in her recliner and watches her westerns on a 50" LED TV, she has a computer with games and internet.....she has it made....but I am afraid of her. That she will lie about me or my husband and cost us our jobs with charges, or she will burn down the house, or hit my dogs. We have an elderly German Shepherd that can barely walk and she 's always yelling at the poor dog for being in her way. I my fear is that she will charm the assessor and they will deem her sane and capable and we will be stuck, and if that happens she will know she has the upper hand and our lives will surely be hell. Has anyone run into this problem? Any suggestions? OH, she is only 70. Not that old at all. I have coworker who are 70 and work circles around me. She's just never taken care of herself, and she refuses to do for herself. We moved her in because we knew we would be up and down the road to her, so that was the smart option....so we thought. HELP please. Anyone who has been through this or is going through this and has suggestions please share.