Feeling like crap.

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I will preface this rant by saying I'm an only child.Mom went into the hospital, was there all last week,and thankfully the doctors recommended rehab because she was so weak she couldn't move around properly. Other than the weakness her vitals were pretty stable.

Mom is a tad narcissistic, and very needy, so it's been a rough week for me. She is also severly overweight which compounds all the problems she already has. She is alone since dad died, so I tried to show empathy as much as I could even though she is somewhat of an emotional vampire. I would be scared in her position too.Just for my own personal beliefs, I didn't want to leave her totally alone at the hospital so I went every day after work , and got her stuff together in case they moved her to rehab in the middle of the night.

Now that she is more stable, I am practicing loving detachment by not going every day, just calling once or twice a day, etc. But the past week took a huge emotional toll on me. I have two young uns, age 7 and 10, and trying to care for the house and them and my hubby (who has helped out greatly) while working a full time job has just knocked me on my ass. I already have issues with anxiety and depression and have felt as if I've been having a low level panic attach ever since this started. It feels like dad's roller coaster of being ill.

I will say that one thing that has helped has been lurking here. So, thanks everyone ahead of time for listening.

I am seeing my doctor tomorrow to go over it with her (health insurance doesn't cover mental health and I can't afford counseling right now), but I am just blaaaggh. I don't feel like moving around or doing much and I'm frustrated because I had been having a good upturn in my mood.


Do you have Seasonal Affective Disorder? SAD hits when days are short and sunshine is minimal. Menopausal depression? Lots of reasons, and you have a full plate. You have enough irons, you need more fire.
I wouldn't be surprised if I have SAD. I'm already on Celexa. My husband says my mood dips between December and March.
CD, I have an idea of how you feel. I think I had anxiety and depression way back in school, but was not diagnosed until a horrible 18-year first marriage. For a while I tried counseling, but husband would not go with me. All I did was cry through the sessions so I finally stopped going because, after all, how can you solve problems with only half of the couple. I've been on medications for year, went through group therapy for clinical depression, etc. and then my second husband developed a brain tumor after teaching for 26 years. After he fell 15 times, getting stuck between the toilet and the tub, I quit my job to be a full time caregiver. I was denied unemployment as they told me I quit for a "no good reason"...I'd like to see the list of good reasons. My husband could have burned the house down or killed himself with some of the stunts he pulled. I had no choice. For 5 years of our 11 year marriage, I've been a full time caregiver for him. Surgery to remove part of the tumor, chemo, radiation, installation of a shunt to control fluid buildup, many therapies, mri's, and other trials and tribulations to work through. His family is large, but has not offered much care and don't think I matter. Just their brother! We have come a long way now, but I think he's lost a lot of his cognition, memory recall, and problem solving. I feel more like a roommate than a spouse. He sleeps downstairs because it's safer and I'm upstairs. He is now driving, cooking a little, feeding our dogs, raking, working on our 8 acres, etc.; however, now my Mom is 90 and starting to fail. Memory, technology that she won't even try to learn, fallling, and most recently, really low blood sugar and not realizing that she had run out of Prozac and her blood pressure meds. I'm putting gritty tracks on her steps and on my steps to help keep all of us from falling before someone breaks something. I know giving help is easier than asking for it, but ASK and ye shall receive. We deserve a break, time to give ourselves little treats, etc. and ask friends and neighbors for help. It's humbling, but necessary. Thankfully I have good, Christian friends, a church family that installed a handicapped shower across the hall from the downstairs bedroom, and loving benefactors that have sent us thoughtful cards with checks even over all this time. We are making it on disability. Even managed a refinance, upgraded from a 2001 vehicle to a 2008 vehicle. With God's help, ALL things are possible for those that love Him. Scream, cry, beat a pillow, but also seek out friendships, eat, pray, and love yourself.
Loving detachment sounds like a good approach to me.
i have menopausal depression and my cervix has a curvature that will hurt you. my voice has lowered till it sounds like im gargling rocks and im a hateful and cynical bi**ch.. im just funnin ladies. you imo have a right to mature and have some control of your surroundings..
We arw here for you! I also started writting here for any advice and also because caring for an elderly person who doesn't seem to apreciate takes a toll on me. I can relate how stressful it is going to the hospital while taking care of your family. My husbands teenage sister was diagnosed with cancer and everyday we had to go visit her at the hospital plus rush home to care for this elder lady. I had to quit my job and thought it was best to assist his family and the lady, it was mainly for the lady. But I get so depressed when the lady gets rude and makes a big deal out of little things. The only thing I could do is pray in the hopes to find peace and patience. I will be praying for you too :)
CD, hope things are going well. Once your mom is in rehab, be in touch with the discharge folks and have them consider what t long term care options there are for your mom. It's easier to get her into a facility from a hospital or rehab.
Loving Detachment is a great coping strategy. Keep strong and have some fun while she is in rehab. Learn to enjoy simple pleasures again. Caregiving is so stressful we forget how wonderful "ordinary" life can be. Our stress hormones are high even after we are not with our loved ones. Give your body and mind time to adjust to the "ordinary" slow pace of life once again. Be forewarned, she will probably want to come back home with you after rehab. You along with your family (especially dear supportive husbands) must think about that now. Do you want to continue full time caregiving? It's OK to say "I can't". And as mentioned before it is most definitely easier to get her into a long term facility from rehab. Blessings to you and your family.

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