Is it normal for feeling like I am suicidal? - AgingCare.com

Is it normal for feeling like I am suicidal?

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I am tired, I am worn out, I have lost everything I worked for my entire life, and I am alone.

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I wish we had more details... Hang in there. You could be me. I've been where you are, and have felt what you feel. I get it. But I'm still here, in spite of it all, and I refuse to give up and break. Things WILL get better, no doubt about it. Let us know that you're alright. You have US, and we'll always be here for you. *hugs*
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I understand how you feel and I felt the same way you do at times. Sometimes I felt like there was no escaping the pain. You feel the pain deep inside because you care. You are a kind caring person and your parents are lucky to have you. There is light ahead and some of the best days of your life are yet to come. You are not alone, we are right here to support you!
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Hope,
The holidays can be particularly difficult for someone feeling trapped and overwhelmed. Please let us know you reached out for help.
My Christmas wish for you is respite and help.
God bless,
L
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Hope22, what a great name, hold on to he hope and please call the help lines. You have been through a lot, I jojn the others who will hold you in prayer
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You are in a very dark place the despair due to what you have sacrificed and caregiver burnout. You need immediate help for you and your parents. Call the Counsel on Aging to get help for your parents and a suicide prevention hotline for yourself. You can no longer go alone at what you are doing. There is a high rate of suidcide among caregivers. Please do not become one of those statistics. You are in a very deep depression which is causing you to feel as a failure, you are not. You have successfully taken care of your parents. Now is the time to take care of yourself.
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Hope, I'm sorry your life is so hard. Please don't kill yourself. It is common, but not really "normal," to feel suicidal.

You said in your profile that you feel like a failure. That is a sad side effect of living in this country in this century. Once upon a time, you might have believed that being "stuck" and becoming poor from caring for your parents was part of God's plan, and that you would get your reward in heaven. Nowadays, the culture tells us that if we can't buy an enormous flat screen TV, that we are failures.

You are doing a job that is "God's work," but society doesn't value it much at all. You are paying a financial price for doing the right thing. Please don't believe "them" when they tell you you're a failure. Please try not to feel shamed by your "lack of success." Poverty and a hard life are depressing enough without adding blame to it. (Read Elizabeth Warren's book, "The Two-Income Trap," to learn more about how easy it is for hard-working people to lose everything.)

Your situation is very hard, but there are practical things you can do to get some relief. Google "Area agency on aging" with your city, state and county, to get the number to call for advice.

It is not selfish to take care of yourself. What would happen to your parents if you did hurt yourself? Are their lives more important than your life? NO. You and your parents all deserve to have a decent life with good parts and bad parts, but bearable. If I had to choose between saving my life and saving my mother's life, I think it would be wrong to choose her. As much as I love her, she has had her life. Maybe now she would be too afraid and helpless, but when she was still herself, she would have saved me rather than herself. Your "real" parents would want you to be all right. That is the measure of success of a parent. Are my kids all right? If they aren't all right, do I still love them?

Until you can get relief, make up an alternate plan. You could pack your car, tell your brother he's in charge now, and drive to Florida for a month. I know you "can't" really do that, but it IS an alternative to suicide. You could pack your parents up and leave them at the emergency room and take a bus to another city and find a women's homeless shelter. Not a nice plan, but it is an alternative to suicide. You would get to start fresh, feel better, and come back home stronger. And your parents wouldn't have to suffer the loss of their daughter. Think up an exit strategy that you can believe in.

I remember planning that I would abandon my husband and daughter and run off to California. It was better for my daughter to have a mother that had abandoned her, but would come home someday, than a mother who had killed herself. Fortunately, I never got quite that desperate, but that's what I told myself when the suicidal thoughts go too loud. I wasn't allowed to kill myself, but I was allowed to run away - to escape.

Believe that there are actual ways to make your life better. Give us details and we will offer useful practical advice. This will not last forever, and it can start getting better today. Feel our love and support, and have a tiny bit of hope and faith.
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Hope22, please write and let us know how you are! I see over and over on this site and struggle with the question myself of how much does one owe a parent? what does love or being brought into this world require of one at the end? I cannot know your situation but even if your mother was the best most amazing self-sacrificing mother in all the world, it isn't right that you should throw away your life literally or future security just so she won't go to a nursing home. A good mother wouldn't want that to happen to her adult child, she just wouldn't. Your life has value too.
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Hope22 I feel for you. There IS respite care available thru different agencies in different states. Get that respite care and ignore your fathers protests if he says he doesn't need it.

There is NO reason to sacrifice your well being so your Dad can have a minimal qualit of life. go on line and read about personal boundaries as I just did since I too am burned out. Boundaries can help a lot.
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Dear Hope,

I think feeling suicidal is a huge symptom that you need to take care of ASAP. I don't think it's normal to want to blow your brains out and is indicative of how burned out, alone, and exhausted you are. You would rather be dead than go on being the only caregiver and that is something we all understand. Feeling suicidal is a HUGE RED FLAG that you need assistance, ANY kind of assistance and as soon as possible. I too would suggest that you call the suicide hotline, not only do they listen but they have resources available that may be suitable for you.

I'm so glad that you wrote to us but we can only do so much here in our little corner of the internet. Keep writing and letting us know what's going on and take steps to take care of yourself. PLEASE!
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I agree with AA, please let us know you are OK - we care!!
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