Caring for parent in their home.

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My mom is 88 she lives near me. It is my responsibility to get her breakfast lunch and dinner oh and spend the night, dr appointments errands the list goes on. I have three sisters and a brother. They pitch in when they can. I have been doing this for six yrs. I am angry frustrated depressed and hateful. My problems stem from my mom wanting no one else in her house but family and she does not want to move. Therefore it's put on me. My siblings pitch in when it's convenient for them. I'm beyond burned out. I want to walk out.

5 Comments

With four siblings you should be able to get at a minimum two weekend off a month. Each sibling would only need to dedicate one weekend every two months. Think about it this way; when propl go on vacation ten days is not uncommon. If each sibling puts in a weekend every two months that is six weekends a year, od the equivilent of 12 days a year that each sib would dedicate to caring for Mom.
This will only stop when you stop it. The more cr*p you take the more cr*p you will get. Call your siblings, pack your suitcase, tell them when you will be leaving and that mom will be alone after a certain time, hope they can get there before you leave, also let mom know you are leaving, show her your suitcase, lineup an aide to come that day and run for your car and turn off your phone.
Also, and I am not putting you down, but this got put on you because you accepted it. I empower you to stand up for yourself ,you are not helpless,Can your mother use a phone.? If so, I would write the phone numbers of all your siblings in bignumbers and give them to her and tell her to start calling, 6 years with NO help is enough. Save yourself.
Nutmeg, if your mother needs you to do everything, it sounds like she needs assisted living. Actually she has it already, but you're the one who is providing it. What are your mother's health conditions that she requires so much help? You cannot make her bring in outside help or to move into assisted living, but you can decide how much time you can devote to taking care of her. Work out what you are willing to do, then stick to your plan.

This is something that really bothers me when it comes to aging parents. Quite often they don't want to move and don't want anyone coming in. They expect one of their children to do it all. This is too much for one child, so the parents need to bend. If you provide all she needs, your mother won't have to bend. You need to let her know what your limits are and use other options to fill in the gaps.
Nutmeg123, of course your Mom won't move or bring in strangers to help her... she has you to do all the work. You always get her breakfast, lunch and dinner.... you always spend the night... you always take her to doctor appointments... you always run errands. Why should Mom do anything else.

I dread the time when my parents can't help themselves. I will need to dig in my heels... they will have to hire Caregivers, call Meals on Wheels, or move to a place that would be more elder friendly. My parents would have to do that anyway if they outlive me :P

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