Letting Go and Letting Others Help Care
Letting go and letting others care for my Mother has been a hard and difficult transition for me and my siblings, but we're trying.
After seeing to Mother's needs for two years and knowing of her "routine" and "desires", I had 'conditioned' myself into believing that I and ONLY I can care for her and see to her quality of life in a way that she was accustomed to living. But was I really?
I was so exhausted and run down by keeping watch over her and her every need of day-to-day living that I neglected to LIVE!
I had let myself go, mentally, emotionally, physically and yes, even at times spiritually.
Each day was becoming a "dread getting up" day, but I would, each morning, because I had to see that she got her medicines, dressed properly for the weather of the day, feed her the meals she can no longer prepare for herself and clean her house, pay her bills and shop for her needs and get her to her appointments, etc, etc.
Since placing her in an Assisted Living Facility, my routine has changed, I have changed, but Mother is still the same and that's the reality of the transition. I AM EXPERIENCING THE TRANSITION!, not Mother.
She gets her meals fed to her as also snacks and her medications through out the day and evening. She has her own bed with all her cherished photos of family members around her. She's entertained by the local singing groups in the communities and they do crafting and monthly parties for various reasons of the occasions.
Her laundry is done for her, she has her hair done regularly and she even gets to have worship services right there in the facility on a weekly basis.
She has visitors now, where as while living in her own home, visitors were rare due to the friends and neighbors hesitance in reacting with her since she didn't remember who they were and what relationship they had with one another. She was withdrawing from society and my Mother was a social butterfly in her days of living life to the fullest. She would be involved in everything that had an open door to help or fellowship. But those doors didn't open for her anymore, because she would feel confused and get flustered, embarrassed even, because she couldn't do the tasks that were needed of her.
Have we had any real issues of her care? Yes, I won't deny that there have been some issues that have come up and I would begin to panic and that old ego would come back to me, haunting me......"they can't care for her better than YOU!" which would get me on a guilt trip and in crying mode of the day. Let it all out, breathe again and focus on a solution. Let it go and let others care for Mother.
Then I would take a few moments, assess the situation and realize that with clear and calm communication and understanding, I and the person in charge, can better understand what is needed to correct the situation for Mother's need or routine of life in her new environment.
Mother is healthy and happy every day all day. Joyous to see us when we visit and take her out for her weekly milkshake treat or just a drive to the country for a short outing. Yes, I'm letting go and letting others so that I can LIVE and enjoy the life with Mother, again.