Inappropriate behavior by my boyfriend father.

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My boyfriend's Father has dementia and smacked my bottom the other night. He's been inappropriate in the past and we've talked to him about it. Due to the dementia, it appears he is resorting to old behaviors. I deserve to be respected and not treated that way. Is there a way to handle this with grace and compassion? I fear that whatever I tell him will be forgotten and he will do it again, or worse.


I think you're absolutely right that he's resorting to old behaviors. Just because he has dementia does not mean that he's not lucid about abusing your kindness and using his illness to get over on you. Tell him in front of your boyfriend that you will not tolerate his behavior and have your boyfriend scold him. See what happens. If he continues to put his hands on you, stay away from him for a couple of weeks and let him miss your real value and purpose for being there. If he really needs you he'll begin to respect you, too. If you keep tolerating this, he's not going to take you seriously. Sounds like he's one of those men who figures when a woman says could really mean yes. Show him that you mean what you say.
Dove: Just to make things simple, try to stay out of reach. You can tell him firmly that you do not want to be touched by him and that his behavior is rude and disrespectful. Make it a short statement. I'm not excusing him at all, but your best defense might be physical distance. Good luck, Cattails
Dove - this is not unusual and just a few days ago there was a another post on a "happy hands" Dad at an AL who walks into women's rooms in his robe. It's not going to just go away and likely will get worse. If he has not be evaluated by a gerontolgist for his dementia and medications your BF should have that done and tell the doc about his behavior. Cattails has great advise.
Thank you so much for the thoughtful responses and advice. I had not thought about having my BF tell the doctor of his behavior. I will recommend that to him for the next doctor's visit in addition to keeping my distance. I don't believe his Father has ever treated women with respect, so I'm sure he will not begin at 86. I won't allow him to use his age and condition as an excuse to disrespect me again. Blessings everyone~ ♥
With dementia, he is not going to even know what he is doing and if he was prone to seeing women as sex objects in life, he likely will continue now.
I wondered even before you said it if he was a kind of touchy feely man prior to his diagnosis. Sounds like he was and the illness is now a good excuse to get away with inappropriate behavior.

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