I will try and make this short. There are six siblings in my family but my younger brother and myself are taking care of our mother who is greatly showing signs of Dementia. She lives with my brother and want even come spend the night with me. When I go down to visit, I try to spend the night but I have to observe her attitude because she has put me out of the house for no reason after midnight. She won't let her clothes be washed, rooms and bathroom be cleaned. She gets mad when you try to do those things. My brother is there with her full time but trying to get him to take care of anything concerning paperwork is a losing battle. My brother is not working because he is home with our mother and this has caused him some financial hardship. I am going to the poor house financially trying to take care myself and help them. I won't even discuss help from my other siblings. My mother receives social security but hasn't cashed her check in a couple of months because she won't let me take her and a friend to the family was assisting and taking her to do it but she gets mad with her because she told my mother she can't take her shopping dressed in dirty clothes. Of course, my mother gets mad and can hold a grudge for the longest. I have been trying to take her to doctor, eye doctor and help her with her activities of daily living. Sometimes she is so mean to me, l think she hates me, when all I want to do is help her. I know she is 84 years old and having all these issues but the saddest part of all, she has always had a mean streak, it has just magnified since she has gotten older. I am doing all I can to help my brother with my mother because I can see how mentally, it is affecting him. I moved back to be close to home three years ago because my brother told me what was going on and I am the oldest daughter and he needed my help. I know I deviated a little bit from the subject but I had to vent a little bit. Back to POA, the bills need to paid, work around the house needs to be done and groceries need to be brought and this is why I am asking the question. We need help. Also, she won't discuss insurance/burial that's something I am looking into to pay and she will not give me or my brother her Social Security Number. There's so much more I could say or tell but when I come here I see a mirror of what I am going through. Your questions or responses will be greatly appreciated.

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Jolanda2015, social security haven't been sending out "checks" in manyy years. The money is placed by direct deposit, as JoAnn mentioned above, or if Mom doesn't have a checking account the money goes onto a social security issued Debit Card. You might want to see what checks your Mom is talking about.

As for a Power of Attorney, it is not up to the POA to shop for groceries, do repair work around the house, etc. The POA can take over the finances, and make medical decisions when your Mom is unable to think for herself. Whether your Mom is still capable to appoint someone to be her Power of Attorney is hard to say. Mom would need to be able to understand a legal document.

It is time for you and your brother to stop paying for things that your Mother should be paying. It is time for your brother to get back into the work force before he totally runs out of money for himself. See if Mom qualifies for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] which will help Mom with hands on care but only at a skilled nursing home which Medicaid will pay. I know, this is so very hard to do :(
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Mom has to assign a POA and it looks like that won't happen. She either won't or can't with the Alz-Dementia. No lawyer will draw one up if Mom is not with it. Call your office of Aging and see if they can eval the situation. Just need to say, I was under the impression that SS no longer sends checks that now everyone has to be on direct deposit. Call ur local office and ask them. Maybe Mom never gave them bank info when requested.
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