New at this, what is POA and can I get this without my husband that has mild dementia?

Be sure to get that POA (both financial, and medical ) DONE. As in, ASAP!!! things can change in flash, people can have a stroke or bad accident, or drug reaction, and become beyond the competence level required to complete these forms. ALSO-- keep in mind and bank or other financial institutions (including SSA, and VA....) these DO NOT accept any type of POA, even those that you paid a couple grand to have an attorney prepare (!!!).
You will have to bring your husband to EACH of these places and have him sign THEIR paperwork. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news on that. The other bit of advice--if your DH has life insurance, or any type of beneficiary situation, keep in mind, becoming his POA does NOT give you legal right to change his previously stated beneficiary name(s) or percentages. Also if he had an account designated "POD" or "TOD", only he himself can change or add a person name to these accounts.

Malloryg8r, is correct. You can print forms and do it yourself. By the way your POA for healthcare does not need to be notarized only signature witnessed. Your Financial POA does need to be notarized. I did an extensive post on how to obtain and fill out these forms on palcaregivers. There really is no need for a costly process unless you have a lot of financial holdings. Best to you.

Another option not yet mentioned, which is much less costly, is to check your state's Elder pages, in our state MN they have a guide to what is DPOA, as well as Medical POA, and the Health Care Directive. The only cost to fill these out is your printer and having the forms notarized. If your husband is able to present himself as a competent adult in front of the notary near you (perhaps at your bank?) you need not go to the expense of a lawyer. Some people might split hairs over the fine points of POA document wordings, but, most states have a good basic one on their gov't website. So use it, if at all possible.

WHATEVER YOU DO...DO IT RIGHT AWAY!!! IF THERE IS ANY DOUBT AS TO HIS ABILITY TO VERBALIZE HIS WISHES...YOU CAN'T TOUCH ANYTHING THAT HE IS PART OWNER OF OR DO ANYTHING FOR HIM! NOTHING!

If your husband is reluctant, maybe you could do a POA for him and one for yourself, naming each other as the primary with a trusted relative or friend secondary on each. He might be more accepting if you explain that is it a good thing for both of you. Of course, he is unlikely to become POA for you, but the person named secondary will. Also, there will be a secondary for him in case you are unable to fulfill the role after he is no longer capable of signing new POA appointments.

Hi everyone! Not sure if this is needed in all states, but in addition to the POA, Durable POA, I also need to be my mom's Health Care Proxy (she had made one out during one of her hospital visits before she was fully dependent on skilled nursing care in a nursing facility. The local Agency on Aging or the Council on aging in your area will be able to direct you on this.

Jeanne shows you the way to go, and I hope the process works smoothly for you.

Meanwhile, I wish we could have this printed on the top of all the relevant forms in bright red block capitals: power of attorney is not gotten, it is given. You absolutely cannot obtain POA without the informed and competent consent of the person giving it.

Yikes! I think I lost a sentence in that reply. My second paragraph explained how it worked in our case. Wish we could edit ...

tarajane, no, you cannot be a POA for your husband without his participation. He has to sign the documents and they have to be notarized. I certainly understand why you would like to take care of it on his behalf.

When all the paperwork was set up, the lawyer came to our house. I explained to her that he had lucid periods and periods of severe confusion. (This is characteristic of Lewy Body Dementia. Also the worst period of his entire 10 years came first, so at that time his symptoms were severe when he had them.) I explained that if he happened to be feeling paranoid he might refuse to sign and also accuse me of stealing from him. The lawyer said she understood and would simply keep coming back until she found him at a "good" time. Fortunately he was fine on her first visit. She asked him questions to be sure he understood what we were doing. He read the documents carefully. He even added to his healthcare directive that he was contributing his brain for research. We got all the documents done that day! Whew!

So, the good news is if hubby understands and accepts these "Just in Case" documents, the fact that he had early stage dementia will not stand in the way of getting this done. The bad news is, there is no way to get it done without his participation.

Good luck -- and let us know how this works out for you.

If you, or your husband, is a member of AARP, please contact them and use their legal services network. Specify that you need an Elder Care Attorney [vs. Civil Torte, Accident, etc. - there are many different 'species' of specialties in the legal field], and based on your zip code [or preferred city], they'll give you the names / numbers of a few [they also have a site set up for that if you'd like to peruse it yourself. The wonderful thing is that you get 45 minutes of phone or personal consultation/legal work. Anything over and above is discounted 20%. i used the service for the first time today, and was especially pleased. It allayed a lot of uncertainties and i've now got a clearer sense of direction and a lot more confidence to finish the unfinished aspects of funding Mom's trust. Please - in your husband's state - you don't need to fully disclose details of his medical condition. He must be "of sound mind and body" to execute legal documents - DPOA for financial, medical and HIPPAA, especially. If his condition is mild enough to be undetectable in an hour's time [even if you explain to your DH that you've been researching and will do the talking, 'if he doesn't mind.'] People pick up on those who repeatedly ask the same question, for example. They call it rumination or forgetfulness... and then others begin to wonder. You're in a position that you while time is on your side, take advantage of getting documents in order. If you're not a member of AARP, you can sign up each of you over the phone - just get the membership number at the time of enrollment as you may need the enrollment number in order to get the services as promptly as you do need them. Knowledge eradicates fear so effortlessly! Please don't hesitate taking the lead, while Time is on your side, ~ prayers are with you. Blessings ~

Should have read to a site...auto correct got me again.

Windyridge is correct i posted earlier on another thread the importance of every adult over 18 having a POA for financial and a seperate POA for medical. One never knows when we may not be able to speak for ourselves and without these documents in place someone we dont want may be speaking for us. Chose wisely. Changes can always made as life changes. If you check my profile you will find a link toy site where i wrote a series of posts on this subject.

Yes, by all means do this now. The POA should be very broad covering all medical and financial decisions. If your husband is reluctant use the IN CASE SOMETHING HAPPENS, and FOR DOWN THE ROAD logic. This worked with may father who was in early dementia.

Dad doesn't realize it but now I pay all the bills, deal with the docs and meds, and control the finances. Without the broad POA my parents gave me I can't even imagine the mess I would be in with their care.

Btw, you need a POA also. Got trust worthy kids or relatives?

An attorney who handles such matters will assist you. Discuss it with your husband in the morning when he is thinking clearly. He should understand that it is vital to have someone act on his behalf when is no longer able. If this makes him angry, then I would be concerned if he fully understands why it should be done. If he refuses to sign it, then you can't force him.

There are things you may want to do with your estate that legally protects assets. An Elder Law Attorney who knows Medicaid should be able to advise you. I would ask about his Will, LIving Will, Healthcare POA, Durable POA and HIPAA waivers. Do not delay in doing this, as once your husband does not have the ability to designate the POA, you will then have to go to the courts to be declared his guardian. I would try to avoid that, but if he gets angry and refuses to sign, then you really have no other choice, that I am aware of.

Tarajane, there are two different POAs you need, one for financial matters one for healthcare also called an Advance Medical Directive. I wrote about both on palcaregivers. There you will find easy instructions on preparing both. Seek an attorney if you have questions. If hubby is still able to sign documents you can easily take care of this but do it now before he gets bad. Best of luck to you.

Tarajane, if hubby is still of clear mind with his mild dementia, he should be able to declare a person to be his Power of Attorney for his financial affairs and for his medical needs. If he assigned you to be his Power of Attorney, when there comes a medical emergency where he is unable to communicate, you will represent him and make the choices for him. The Attorney will be able to better explain.

Call an Elder Care attorney this week and set up an appointment. Also check to see if your Wills need updating [one should update them every 5 years or so, or anytime there is a major change].