My wife and I have had a trip planned since January. My mom is in poor health and recently had bowel surgery. They live 5 states away. There was uncertainty around if the surgery would happen and that it would be risky. My dad asked me to come down there. I own my own business and because there was no certain timeline I said I would check my schedule. I was going to go but the issue was when. He said if something happened and I didn’t get to see her I would regret it forever and that he didn’t think he could forgive me. She went in for emergency surgery as her bowel ruptured. She pulled through and I flew down as soon as I could. She survived and I spent a few days with her while she was in the hospital. I went home and she went to rehab. She may be discharged from rehab soon but my Dad is unable to take care of her on his own. He asked me if I could come down there for a few weeks to help him. I told him that was my trip with my wife. He said, “Well, what’s more important?” I said, “Don’t put that on me.” He said, “Well, you gotta do what you gotta do and so do I.” As well, he will be provided with counsel and resources for her post rehab care. He also recently bought a home where I live but choose to live away half the year. He told me yesterday he is selling the house up here.
In both instances He contacted a relative who lives in my state and said they could be there and guilt tripped me with it. I don’t feel wrong on choosing to go on the trip with my wife. Just wondering how to navigate this with my dad.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/updateon-what-do-you-think-post-488159.htm
My Dad called me today and apologized
My Dad admitted he was being selfish and that he was wrong to be so angry. He said it was tearing him apart to have this between us and that he was sorry.
He said he just wanted it to be done and water under the bridge.
I told him I did not like it either and That we are good but that we have some stuff to workout. We don’t have to talk about it now but there is some rebuilding we have to do in our relationship. Even as angry as I was I never stopped telling him I loved him but I get to set boundaries and I get to live my life and any help I decide to give has to be on my terms.
He thinks he may permanently move near me.
I believe he was sincere and that he is ashamed and wants things to be different.
I will make sure he realizes that things have to be different moving forward and over time we can figure that out as we heal.
I am guarded though. Not gonna act like it is all sunshine and rainbows. But for now I think we can at least continue to communicate and focus on the most important thing…what is best for my Mom.
I forgive him
I will not hold it over his head but I will remember so that if it happens again I will call him out on it and maintain firm boundaries.