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My husband, his sister and I are very concerned about my father in law.

He has been diagnosed with dementia, but we have no further info than that due to his wife not sharing with us. He has also recently dealt with another physical illness. He lives at home with his wife, but we have concerns that she is not taking good care of him, she is bipolar.

We are concerned he may be over medicated and/or not taking his medications in a timely manner. i.e. His wife wakes up late in the day on her down days and asks if he took his morning medicines.

Not sure if she is following diet recommendations doctor gave for the physical illness he has/had, etc.

When our concerns were brought up and we suggested in home health care might be needed his wife became very defensive and has since cut off communications with us.

We are just concerned and want to make sure he is getting the care that he deserves.

But what are our options? What rights do we have? Where do we go to get advice and help!

His wife has attempted suicide in the past due to her depression and we know there is a gun in the house. So have concerns for her as well as him since he essentially was her caregiver and did everything before his diagnosis.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Well, you can document factual observations and your concerns and send to his physician. This doesn't mean dr will share anything with you, but dr can be aware of family concerns and ask more directed questions to dad and stepmom during his next checkup.

If you feel dad is in danger, call APS and request they do a home visit. But doubt they will be much help. Just because wife is bipolar doesn't mean she is incompetent although I never advocate guns in the house with elders. i would continue to discuss with her and dad about getting some extra help in the house, but you can't force it unless you were to go to court and are ready for the drama and expense and not guaranteed a win.
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