Does she have medical concerns that need attention? If she is of sound mind you can not make her, force her to see the doctor. You can gently try to convince her to go. You can tell her that you just want to make sure that everything is alright because you would hate to have something happen to her because you love her. If this is the only problem you have with your mom it is certainly not worth getting into fights or arguments over.
I'm so surprised at these answers! She is 85 she should at least have a check-up for God sake! I went through this with my mother. She did not want to go to the doctor because she knew that she was having issues especially with her memory. She didn't want people to know. She didn't want to accept it herself . I scheduled an appointment and threatened to contact Adult Protective Services as well as her doctor and tell them that she was refusing to be seen. I told her the court could easily take over her own personal power over herself if she continued to not take care of herself. In reality that probably isn't true but I had to use those threats of her loss of Independence in order to get her to a doctor. This was in her early stages of dementia and I had to treat her practically like a child. It was a very strange time in my life to have to stand up to my own mother and speak to her as if she was my child. She was clearly not well and was having a lot of delusions. She was eating rotten food and having stomach problems. Her behavior towards her husband was atrocious. She was terribly mean to him . She was clearly a different person than I had known even five years before that. Something was wrong and it needed to be diagnosed. Use whatever therapeutic lie you have to to get her to a doctor and give her a full physical examination and recommend testing for dementia. The sooner you get a grip on anything that might be ailing her the better off you will be. I had very stubborn parents but if I had not stood up to them they could have easily died due to underlying issues that they were keeping a secret. My stepfather ended up having a stroke sitting in his chair. Who knows how many hours he sat there before my mother, who was in early stages of dementia, even knew anything was wrong. My step dad was seeing a doctor who was not helping him . Sadly, by the time I got some specialist scheduled he died.
It is often VERY difficult to assume responsibility and TAKE CHARGE, even when there is clearly a change in cognitive functioning.
You are SO RIGHT about the concept of NEEDING CARE. My mother had what the neurologist identified as a fatal stroke when she was 85, and I KNEW IT when I talked to her on the phone the night it happened, and I WAS AFRAID TO TAKE CHARGE.
By the Grace of God, we muscled her to the hospital the next day, and she had 5 more relatively good independent years alone in her own home before a shattered hip sent her into a long surgery from which she couldn’t fully recover.
This was a woman who had NEVER had appropriate medical care because of her severe anxiety. She lived her whole life on Vick’s Vaporub, Milk of magnesia, Bayer aspirin, and Sloan’s Liniment.
I wanted her to have a crack at independence, but I also knew when I HAD to become the heavy, and then, I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO.
As to the question “What can I do......?”, the answer is —- THERE IS NO GOOD ANSWER. You CHOOSE how you decide to go, you take the steps to facilitate what you’ve planned, and you reassess how things are going with the attempt.
At a certain age, some caregiver’s attempts will go wrong, some will be wonderful. If you are operating with sincere love, respect, and knowledge of your LO, it’s at least a 50-50 shot that you’ll have done the right thing.
She has such a distrust of doctors that I am afraid something could be wrong and she wouldn't let me know. I would just feel better if she at least had a checkup.
If she is of sound mind you can not make her, force her to see the doctor.
You can gently try to convince her to go.
You can tell her that you just want to make sure that everything is alright because you would hate to have something happen to her because you love her.
If this is the only problem you have with your mom it is certainly not worth getting into fights or arguments over.
Has she decided she's done will all that? No more pills or tests? Do you think that's what she's telling you?
You are SO RIGHT about the concept of NEEDING CARE. My mother had what the neurologist identified as a fatal stroke when she was 85, and I KNEW IT when I talked to her on the phone the night it happened, and I WAS AFRAID TO TAKE CHARGE.
By the Grace of God, we muscled her to the hospital the next day, and she had 5 more relatively good independent years alone in her own home before a shattered hip sent her into a long surgery from which she couldn’t fully recover.
This was a woman who had NEVER had appropriate medical care because of her severe anxiety. She lived her whole life on Vick’s Vaporub, Milk of magnesia, Bayer aspirin, and Sloan’s Liniment.
I wanted her to have a crack at independence, but I also knew when I HAD to become the heavy, and then, I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO.
As to the question “What can I do......?”, the answer is —- THERE IS NO GOOD ANSWER. You CHOOSE how you decide to go, you take the steps to facilitate what you’ve planned, and you reassess how things are going with the attempt.
At a certain age, some caregiver’s attempts will go wrong, some will be wonderful. If you are operating with sincere love, respect, and knowledge of your LO, it’s at least a 50-50 shot that you’ll have done the right thing.