My 91 year old mother is coming to live with me in a few days - she had a stroke 5+ years ago that left her with poor memory and balance problems. She can walk with a walker but due to inactivity her leg muscles are weak and as a result she has mobility issues. She also has cognitive impairments and is weak and frail. She needs constant care and is not completely helpless but close. She does not have AD - she is in touch with reality and her dementia symptoms have not worsened very much over the years. She has been living with my brother in her home and I have been traveling over an hour 4 times a week and spending 2 nights a week at my mother's to give him a break. She has been complaining about my brother and he seems burned out so that is why she is coming to my house. My main concern is her completely reversed sleep schedule, which has been somewhat encouraged by my brother. She will go to bed at 1:30 in the morning and is awake during the night and uses the bedside commode several times, sometimes as much as 4, during this period. She sleeps fairly soundly from 7 am to 3 pm. This is when my brother sleeps. So far she seems to be able to handle using the commode at night without falling but the thought of her moving around in the dark, even with night lights, is stressing me out and causing a lot of anxiety for me. I don't want to place her in a nursing home but if I can't get a little sleep I won't be able to function and take care of all her needs.
Her doctor suggested melatonin - I have not had a chance to give it to her regularly since I'm not at her home every night but on the nights I'm here it doesn't have any effect.
I feel desperate to the point where I'm considering changing my sleep schedule to match hers.
Thank you in advance for any advice and support you can give me. I'm trying to do what I think is right but I don't know if I'm strong enough for this.