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My Dad was babbling total psychotic nonsense, screaming it at the top of his lungs, for a long time to me on the phone. Then I heard that he was talking to the security guard a little while later, completely normal. He needs to be in a mental hospital again. (He was in once in 2009, because the police were called when he threatened to stab a neighbor).

He needs to be put on some anti-psychotic drug, like Risperdal! But he refuses anything except valium, which he gets from a cardiologist, as he has refused a Primary Care doctor for decades. He also has congestive heart failure and is afraid that they are going to find out how much alcohol he drinks.

His own brother is a retired family doctor, and he can't talk my dad into going to see a doctor.

If they can really control the craziness this much, to focus it on their children and some strangers, then who is to say they really aren't insane, that they are just acting because they don't think they will have any consequences? They lost the ability to care, and so they are just letting it all hang out?

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Nope the m.d. brother is 5 states away and is not doing anything at all.
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I'm going to assume the brother MD has complete control, possibly even a Guardian status. He would be the one to get the patient admitted. Yes, in the meantime go to an Al-Anon meeting, it will be very enlightening and you will see you are far from being alone in this.
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Thank you for the two GREAT answers. I love the term "showtime" because that is what I'm seeing. Although he can't control it completely.....in 2009 when he was put on a 72 hour hold in the mental hospital, he lost it in front of the psychiatrist and began babbling Shakespeare to the dr! I don't think the doctor ever got a chance to diagnose him at all, because my enabling brother was able to get my dad out of there with a habeus corpus (?).

It is SO frustrating when they showtime to relatives and then the relatives say, "I just don't SEE IT in him." They don't believe me and that's maddening, when he's a babbling psychotic to me.

I agree that the elderly have been given a ticket to abuse under the diagnosis of dementia. They lose all empathy for others, so they just fire away at them, their kids and caregivers who sacrifice the most. They lose the ability to care what other people think, so they abuse strangers on the phone. But when they have to be good for the doctor, they all sweetness and nice. And that robs the doctor of the ability to make a correct diagnosis and give treatment.

I am staying away from the alcoholic father and am going to Al-Anon. They all are supportive there too, and understand the frustration with dealing with the FAKENESS.
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I don't know about your father's situation. I know that people with dementia can often "showtime" -- that is, act "normal" for certain audiences for limited times. For example, they may appear perfectly reasonable during a doctor visit. They may get their acts together nicely when people visit them for a short time. This can be very frustrating for caregivers. (My sisters never saw my husband in a "bad" period, and must have wondered what on earth I was talking about.) Generally showtiming takes a lot of effort and the ability to do it eventually goes away.

So in a sense people with cognitive problems may appear to be able to "turn it on and off." That doesn't mean they don't really have serious cognitive problems.

I don't know if this applies to your father or not!

I suspect there is little that can be done for him until the next episode that involves the police.

This must be very painful and frustrating for you. I am so sorry.
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