I was appointed HCP and DPOA years ago by my Dad- he has been independent until a fall and broken hip-- he is in a rehab (poor care)--my sister is 5 minutes from Dad- and me 2 hours-- I am geriatric nurse practitioner and she a social worker.

She is a crazy maker and has been-- is one of the most toxic people on the planet-- She had told my Dad lies about me, and he told me he did not want to see me or speak to me--I was heartbroken--but felt that his health was in jeopardy--

Dad is paranoid at base- ran prisons-
I honestly felt it was best to relinquish my role- so she could focus her energies on him-- verses bullying me---I realize now it was a mistake--

I spoke with my Dad- he said he did not say he did not want me to be the HCP-
He is confused and frustrated--and my sister has big control issues-lies to the staff- his friends--anyone --and makes me look bad--she is an obstructionist beyond words-- that being the case I was having the most difficult time advocating for my Dad--who is in a sub-standard rehab- he has been screened for others-- but has an enacted HCP--VRE, and C-Diff.

Any advice-- much appreciated.

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I was appointed years ago to be his HCP/DPOA- very abusive family dynamics-- she being a bully--
The HCP was enacted at the rehab as after the surgery-- underlying vascular dementia surfaced--
I was working so many hours a day to advocate for him-
Wanted to move him a another facility--though he was not accepted due to VRE- and now C-diff--hence she started with that I was dumping him..

He was sick and vulnerable and told me he never wanted to see me again or speak with me.He now regrets this- but during this time it was apparent the crap she was spewing was affecting his care.

I sent a letter- to her attorney and the SW at the facility-- that I would relinquish my role only out of the betterment of my father--
I now know this was wrong-and I am hoping that it can legally be changed back.
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I am not sure what you mean by you "relinquished" your role. Was your sister backup? Or did Dad revoke the original HCP and assign your sister? Or what?

It is really up to Dad who he wants to play these roles, if he is competent (in the legal sense) to make these decisions, as you know. If he wants you to be in that role and you think it would be best for him, help him make that official.

Aside from being toxic and obnoxious to you, was Sister doing a good job advocating for Dad? Obviously turning him against you is not in his best interests -- he needs all the loving family he can get -- but are there other kinds of harm she might be inflicting?

Can you both sit in on care conferences held at the rehab center? Your presence might cut down on the lying, or at least give the staff another perspective. I should think that Dad could specify which relatives he wants in the care conferences.

I assume rehab is temporary? What will happen when Dad is discharged? How much longer is he likely to remain in this place?

This sounds dreadful. Best wishes to you!
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