I moved in w/ aging parents a year ago because POA and main caregiver (my oldest sister) was in denial that they needed round the clock care.
My sister is a control freak and has been accusing me of spending parent's money and neglecting (putting them in harm's way). After sharing with caring for a year, she has lied to my other siblings about me and now they ALL believe her vicious lies and think I should do 24/7 house & personal care in lieu of paying rent. Prior to moving in with them, I had just moved back to the state 8 months prior, just to help and spend as much time with them as I could before they die. I moved in with them when my sister's daughter had a baby and needed much more of her time. Other siblings rarely show up, but back her up and add to much negativity and drama.
I feel guilty to move out, and frankly, need the time to save my money for much needed dental work and vehicle repair.
How do I respond when they are all ganged up on me?
Were I you, I myself would leave, and leave in their hands how they wish to carry on moving forward. If you are telling me that you need the housing, then clearly something needs to be worked out. Time to meet with lawyer or someone uninvolved emotionally to work all this out.
Are you getting paid as well as living there? You put yourself on the frontline of all the possible blame and often the unacknowledged - all that is going right. There's a lot of crap that family members sometimes feel free to voice freely coming from who knows. It's best to address concerns but not dwell on it. You can only try to have a constructive conversations with the goal of having a supportive environment for parents end of life.
Whenever there's some criticism, I make sure I can say I'm pretty sure I'm doing what's in their best interest. End of story. Stay strong. Aging parents and family dynamics are not a walk in the park.
Over a year and a half ago, you moved back to your parents' state. To be near them, and to be helpful to them, sure, I don't doubt it; but in addition to that why? Where were you living before? How did you come to have the time and availability to relocate?
And then one year ago, it suited you to move in with your parents. This - again I'm sure it's true - was partly because you felt they needed more care than their POA was providing, but was it also because you needed somewhere to live? It does sound like it.
If that's so, it leaves you open to being suspected of using your parents' situation to dig yourself out of a financial hole; and it sounds as if that may be part of what all your siblings are concerned about.
Do you have a caregiving agreement with your parents? What do they think about the situation as it is? And what are their care needs, broadly?