How is the situation different when the caregiver is the husband?

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Men are usually not raised from childhood to nurture. What help do they need to be successful caregivers?

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I do think for many men it's even lonelier. Men, in general, are less used to sharing emotions with outsiders and less apt to look for support on line or in groups. However, since more women develop AD than men, there are a lot of male caregivers out there. Just like women, some are exceptional, some good enough and other not cut out for the job.

I must say that I've come in contact with some exceptional men who are caregivers to a wife or mother. I'd like to see more men jump in to support each other in this role.

Keep up the good work JimmyW and all of the rest of you guys.
Carol
My wife has Alzheimer's. We were married in 1956 - almost 60 years ago. I am very much in love with her. I consider us ONE. While I would never wish this disease on anyone, I get much joy in being able to help her. I am fortunate in that I have a caregiver for her 40 hours per week. I hope to keep her at home until the end. To afford this help, I have had to give up much of the things that I used to enjoy. But you do what you have to do. I do have the duty after 4 PM and usually every weekend. I will say that without this help, it would be very hard.
My point is that all of us - husband or wife - do what we have to do with love and much patience. JimmyW
I shutter to imagine my husband caring for me if I fall ill.... I know, we made a promise... *I would have to die. I did take care of him after a horrific accident years ago. It is hard. Day in. Day out. Lifting, cleaning, turning, feeding... giving spritual hope, taking care of the farm too. Please God, find a way for all caregivers.
I think this is one of those "depends on the person" type situations. Some men are able and willing to do the role of caregiver, while others are ill equipped and can't handle it. During the four years my mother was in a NH, post huge stroke, my father, though a senior citizen with his own issues, was there without fail everyday. He took care of her emotionally, watched out for her needs, and provided all the support possible. But her actual physical care was so involved, she couldn't move at all, couldn't eat orally, diapers, had to have literally everything done for her----that was far too much for him to take on as a caregiver. From what I've seen men as caregivers need what women need, encouragement, support,compassion, a plan, flexibility, and good humor. Maybe they just need a bit more of each. It's not a given that women are better equipped for caregiving though.
I find this question very odd? Men and woman are caregivers...it's a matter of doing what we need to do to and having the patience to be a good caregiver.
I agree it depends on the man and also on the situation. My husband has been POA for his 86-year old mother with Alzheimer's for four years now, although his mooching older brother lives with her. It all started just with seeing to the finances but we had to take over the grocery shopping and main meal cooking a year ago. The brother is really more of a problem than his mom as he had been in her pockets for most of his life. So much of the trouble is just getting him to do simple things regarding her care - and to clean up after himself! My husband has the patience of Job. His mom had one of her meltdowns the other day when he brought groceries and meals over, which fortunately doesn't happen often. After being docile and accepting of the help for months she'll suddenly just get mad that she's not in control of everything anymore. My husband was just kind, agreeable, and positive with her. Granted, he was able to leave after awhile and she'll probably forget about it, but he's always so patient and loving with her. He does all this alone as the four other sibs take two steps back for every step forward we have to take, and he rarely shares his feelings of frustration (and sometimes despondency) with any of them, as they really don't want to hear it and rarely call or see their mother themselves. Fortunately, he does share his feelings with friends at church (as well as with me) so he has people that encourage him and pray with him. Emotional support is so important.
I think it depends totally on the person! My husband was always so caring -( for a man!) he liked rescuing little animals and actually rescued me from a hopeless relationship. Our marriage was very happy but now I am a carer for him and not really suited to the job as I am dyspraxic. He is always saying if only he was the one taking care of me! I get inpatient and cross as its all so overwhelming but one HAS to do it somehow and a man can learn to care for someone quite well if willing . One of the members mentioned how a military style method helps to get organized. I am actually trying this and it helps. A certain time for each task etc,
when the caregiver is the husband he knows his wife inside and out. More prepared for all the side problems that come with AD. Living with a ADW requires being able decipher the changes as AD progresses. may even add less stress to caring than when a stranger provides care. However outside caregivers are probably better listened to and their coaching accepted. Of course we all encounter brain dead husbands occasionally :)
My mother, who is in a nursing home, had a roommate (87 y/o) for about a year who had advanced Alzheimer's. Her husband, who at 88 was still very healthy and active (and still worked!), came in nearly every single evening to spend time hugging her, talking, reading and occasionally singing to her, and encouraging her to be responsive to other people around her (which was mostly limited to a smile and a feeble wave). The dedication he showed impressed other residents, visitors and staff alike. Needless to say, he was heartbroken when she died a couple weeks ago after having declined conspicuously the previously week or so.
I, as a husband, taking care of my wife, with Alzheimer's, and my 96 year old Mother in Law, in Assisted Living and doing what needs to be done to see that they have the best care. I have had to relearn some skills-cooking-running the dishwasher-operating the washing machines-shopping-making Doctor appointments-Patients-cloths fashion-toileting-taking care of myself. I go to a support Group where many husbands are taking care of their spouses and doing a "hell of good job". I love and care about my wife so nothing else matters and I will do what needs to be done. Is it easy-NO. Do I enjoy doing some of the tasks -No. Do I love my wife-Yes. I will see she gets the best care I can provide-I believe most men will step up and do the same thing. It does help with Adult Day care and having a Caregiver come to give me some respite but the majority of the responsibilities are mine to own. Men- we can do this but ask for help.

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