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She's very feeble and fears we [siblings] may put her in a nursing home. I am interested in work with elderly, but on disability so I feel being at her home I could have a start at this for helping her stay strong while she's independent

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If your mother is feeble, can that be changed? I am 81 and belong to a gym. They have many classes for seniors from chair exercises to pretty heavy aerobics. It has been proven that exercise and light workouts with weights have helped many seniors maintain independence and improve their balance. There are also senior centers in many towns that have the same programs. They include dancing, yoga, and other things that help you maintain muscle strength. In this one class I go to one lady has a chair for her oxygen machine, another sweet old lady (you know old is 10 years older than I am) has to hang on to a chair and only work one side at a time. Perhaps if you could help her with this.
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My disabled sister tried to care for Mother. They did not live together, but she lived close by. My mother outlived her by 3 years. So, mom did go to an excellent NH. It saved her life and she made many friends - and was safe.

Many parents don't want to live with their kids. Don't take it personally. I see post after post on here, from well meaning children that give up their home and then, the parent dies and they have no income or place to live.
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I want to speak to the fear of a nursing home. NEVER EVER EVER make promises you can't keep. My mother wanted me to promise she'd never end up in one. I couldn't do that because none of us know what the future holds.

I would only promise mom that my first priority is her safety and wellbeing, and we'll do what is necessary to see to those needs. Getting mom placed into a facility that was built for people with limited mobility and vision was the right answer for us. The doctors came to her, somebody wheeled her to PT, the beauty shop, the dentist, etc. Everything was onsite.

Your mom may very well need 24/7 skilled nursing care. You don't have to call it a nursing home.

These facilities don't look like they did in the 1970s or 80s anymore. And the standard of care is definitely much more evolved than back then. Restraints are illegal except under some narrowly defined situations. People aren't drugged into a stupor with chemical restraints. They look as homey as possible. Nobody wears an old fashioned nurse's uniform anymore.

Don't take care options off the table that may need to be used at some point.
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elmh, please give us more information, such as what is your Mom's age and what are her mobile limitations? What is it that she is afraid about nursing homes, or does she relate independent/assisted living as also being nursing homes?

Example, my Dad is 94 years old and he can't wait for the moving van to pull up to gather what he his taking to his independent living apartment [4 rooms]. It's a new chapter in his life, and he will be around people who are closer to his age, and be able to join in activities, and have dinner in the main dining room, etc. I am waiting for him to ask me to buy him some Aqua Velva after shave :P

I am pushing 70 so I knew my own age related decline wouldn't be a good mix with trying to care for someone in their 90's. Like who would pick me up if I fell?
So that is something to think about if one has a disability.
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If you are on disability, get mom to assisted living NOW. Do not take this on, it will be impossible for you to recover from your disability. Nor can you get paid to care for her, or you disability payments will stop. Others have tried and regressed badly.
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