Sibling accusing me of overmedicating Mom. Any advice?

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My mother has I believe stage 7 Alzheimers and is taking 100mg of Trazadone and a antidepressant, this allows her to sleep and get rest, where before this she would ask for cars they have been gone for years. My sister seems to think that we are over medicating her and this is the reason she can't speak and doesn't eat. I've read articles on the Alzheimers and her symptoms are that of stage 7 and I am her main caregiver.

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Top Answer
Use the medicines as prescribed. Late stage Alzheimers includes loss of speech. Failure to eat should be reviewed with the MD. This would represent end stage of the disease and the MD may refer you to Hospice. Your sister is looking for a recovery that isn't going to happen.
Get your sister some information about Alzheimers and its progression. She can read on this site or go to the Alzheimer's Association www.alz.org and read the seven stages on their website. She needs to do her homework about the illness her mom has. Good luck...you sound like a wonderful daughter and caregiver.
Consult with moms physician on what you dosing. He might have some other suggestions or splitting the dose etc.

You are the primary caregiver and coping with moms needs I presume; sister should mind her own business. If she would like to take care of mom for a few weeks, then tell her you would welcome her help and the respite.

If you know when sis is coming, you could consider delaying moms dose to have mom more alert when sister is visiting if that is the concern. Ask sister to come and have mealtime with mom to help spur moms appetite although I think this has everything to do with the stage of the disease and is normal for the progression -- but maybe sister needs to witness for herself.

Do what you think is best to keep mom calm and comfortable. Talk to your dr about any concerns.
There is something very frightening about personality changes in a loved one so it is easiest to pretend there is another cause for the changes sister sees in their mother. The dr prescribed the medications and as long as those orders are being followed there is no cause for anxiety about over medication. Be thankful that the Dr has sufficient understanding of the disease to prescribe calming medications as the disease progresses. As others have said loss of speech and not eating are end stage indications and using hospice services will help lighten the load, You are the caregiver so follow your heart and keep Mom physically and mentally comfortable. Don't do things 'that are good for her" Let her rest in bed. move the bed into the living room if she is calmer around people. Put it by a window if she likes to look out. Do whatever seems to make her happiest. there is no right or wrong way of caring for a loved one at the end of life there is only your way which is always the best way. Hugs You are doing a good job the best there is being a loving daughter.
you are not doing anything wrong,use the meds as prescribed.You are dealing with stage 7..your sister should help out and get a reality check..I worked in the medical field for 30 years plus..I have dealt with this personally and professionally..keep doing what you are doing..keep her comfortable and if she wants to rest in bed, let her rest in bed.Get her up into an easy chair to change sheets etc, but you are doing everything possible.These are precious times ,difficult but precious, you are an angel and an excellent caregiver..never forget that..we are all here for each other and that means you as well...take care of yourself and God bless..
When someone in the family is critical in what I do, I tell them " when you've walked in my shoes for as long as I have been doing this, then you can have a say in the care". obviously the doctor has set the level of medication so for anyone to question how much you give her, ignorance is in play here. Sorry to be so blunt but you're sacrifice to care is so selfless and you don't deserve the added stress and lack of support from others who don't. Do what you can and don't let anyone bring you down.
I agree with the others that it sounds like your sister is wanting to get her mother back. It is easier for her to blame you than the disease. I agree that if she understood more about the disease, she would understand better what is going on. Hospice sounds like a wonderful idea, because they would help with your mother and also helping your sister understand what is happening. She would learn that it isn't your fault.
Keep doing what the doctor tells you to do and use the meds as perscribed. If your sister wants her off of them. Invite her to stay with your mother for a week while you go on vacation. I promise she will change her tune. People always know the answer when they dont have to deal with the consequences. Keep up the good work and God bless!
Such good advice.. My story is I moved mom close to me soon as her husband died. She was in another zone for months. Because her primary doctor is an hour away, I called and informed him her BP was very low on several attempts and asked if it would be o.k. to drop one of her 3 BP meds. He advised to cut one in half. He sent out nurses more recently to evaluate her when I had taken her to a neurologist about her (undiagnosed) dementia and he did a CT scan and found a "brain bleed" along with the signs he expected of dementia. I asked the neurologist to look at her list of meds and he said he thought they were fine. I'm so thankful I can be near and see when she isn't doing well with meds or other things. I would give my sister a copy of her meds list and tell her if she really wants to know if they are right for her mom to take to a dr, preferably moms who knows the details. It is easy to look in and criticize. I especially liked the suggestion to take a trip and ask sister to "mom sit".
It is important to keep siblings in the link. We email each other with the results of the doctor visits, little home disasters, decreases in functioning etc. It's not as good as being there, but it is less shocking to have heard it progressing over time. See if you sister can come to a doctor's appointment. My sister just stayed with Dad and I for a week, and I think she saw the current version of him replacing her more functional version she previously held. It is hard to see someone diminish. It is also hard to be second guessed by someone without current information.

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