My grandmother is my world, but I have to go back to work. How can I protect her when I'm at work?


My grandmother is my world! I moved in in November of 2012. Grandpa passed in April 2012 and she was scammed and now I am concerned. I am 30 years old, married with 2 kids. Graduated college with a bachelors in 2012 and quit my job to control this scamming. Grandfather passes in April 2012. After that things went south. She was scammed for 25 thousand and believed she was going to get this money after she paid all these fees. Almost lost her paid off home. Theses scam people got on her banking account online and tried to take another 10 grand out of her home equity! Bank stopped it Thank the lord I moved in to stop it and it has calmed some with them calling. No more money is going out I am power of attorney. That isn't all that happened with the scam phone numbers changed multiple times, calls to government officials, overseas governments and so on (trying to sum all of that up). My mother is self absorbed and hasn't called her own mom since Christmas. Grandma is forgetting where places are, like doctor that she has been going to for years and where she takes her car for oil changes. She was at the oil change place in march and went back this week and got lost. Went to the doctors today and had to ask for directions. Her nephew we talked about in discussion and she remembered him then later on that evening she didn't remember his name and when I told her she said my brother didn't have a son named that..She quit going to church. She only went to her friend gathering when I went with her.She has been going to church her whole life and meeting with her friends once a month since I was 1. I cant convince her to go back and am not going to force her. I recently started applying for jobs again. I need to work money is tight and school loans wont wait. I am a nervous wreck that something will happen like the scamming will start again, or she will go and get lost somewhere. I have no family my mom was a only child and she could care less. I promised my grandfather I would take care of her and I will but with these small events I'm nervous. I'm 30 and taking care of my children and my 83 year old grandmother. I don't regret it but sometimes it is a lot. She gets around okay. Health issues are hypertension, blood pressure, low iron and vitamin d, moderate kidney disease stage 3. Other than that she is OK well with that being said she only lets the doctor do blood test. She refuses anything else! But Is this memory issue just aging or could it be early Alzheimer's? I hope all this makes sense I just went on a typing venting spree and I tried to sum everything up!!

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Thanks you all for your support!! A month after my family moved in grandma wanted to change the Will. The house was taken out of the trust and the lawyer made it go directly to me upon her death. And grandma also asked him a million times that it wouldnt be an issue regarding my mother (who is waiting for money from the house because she is very selfish). I also was made power of attorney on finances and health. My mother was in charge of this until she neglected grandmother in the passing of my grandfather (I helped with all of that) and the scam (I helped with that also) and mother also was charging her to mow the grass and took some things without permission. Mother does not call to check on grandma either. As for the bank I was also put on her account when the scam went on because so much money was withdrew and her savings drained.

The one thing I have promised her is I will never put her in a home. Even if I had to quit a job to take care of her. She has been my mother for my 30 years of life. I would hope that there would never be a reason that I had to go back on my word. Watching my grandfather be in a home because grandma couldnt care for him (because he was stubborn and a foot taller than her) it became impossible for her. It was sad to leave him after visiting...

I cant wait to do the memory test on her! That is a wonderful idea! And after I do it I will post my results. I do have a second interview for the job this week. And it would be a blessing because the families I will be working with are all around my home, which means I could check in during the day!! Which would be a huge relief! My husband has also been amazing in helping and trying to be of help! I am also going to call the agencies in the area for more advice on her. The bank also has been a huge help and really have went out of their way to help especially on particular woman from Chase! And if I get this job she will be notified!! The bank also had to investigate on the scam because they got into her account.

I really cant thank all of you enough! Thanks again Kim
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Kuddo's for you for taking great care of your Gran and being williing to do so! And for graduating school while juggling Grandma and two kids. You sound like a strong and resourceful young lady.

I understand your fear about what happens to Grandma when you start a full time job. With money being tight I'm not exactly sure what you can do. An in home caregiver while you work would be perfect, a babysitter so to speak. But the cost of that will be anywhere from 10.00 - 15.00/hr depending on where you live. I'm guessing that's a bit much to chew in your circumstances.

Getting all the paperwork in order as mentioned by other posters is number one on your list of things to do. Expecially POA for both financial and Health. If she should slip deeper into either ALZ or Dementia, you will need these go handle her affairs and to put her somewhere she can be well cared for. You will be hard pressed to handle an advanced patient with those mental disorders as well as work and tend to two children.

Sadly I'm afraid there's not much you can do much more then get prepared for the future. She's still too alert to be forced into anything it sounds like. She does have memory problems though, so after getting the paperwork in order, a visit to her GP with an explanation of all that's been happening should also be on the agenda, and the sooner the better.

Then find your job. On breaks check in with your Grandmother, asking if she's had any phone calls during the day, and with who.

If you get POA over finances you can talk with the bank and let them know what's happening. They will help in anyway that they can. They don't want their customers being ripped off either.

Make sure you are on your Grandmother's speed dial, so she can call you with just one number if she needs you while you're at work. Also speaking to your area on aging for any other advice would be wise, just as other's have suggested.

Good luck to you. You're off to a great start. Just remember, you can only do so much. You and your two children should also be a priority in this. Don't overly neglect yourself or them. Believe me, your grandmother would not want that at all. I'm speaking as a Grandmother to a 7 year old who thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread and I hope she continues to feel that way. I never want her to neglect her life in order to take care of me and will tell her so when she is old enough to understand. I'm sure your grandmother greatly appreciates your help, but would never want that help to extend to the point that your life or the life of your children would be impaired because of it. If that time ever came, thought it might be hard, it would be time to liquidate assets and find professionals to step in and take over the care giving, for both your sakes.
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corrections ... I apologize for my android voice recognition system

you say you ARE power of attorney

the house at least probably belongs IN A trust

while she is still a competent to STATE her wishes

FORGETS family members and gets lost on her way TO FAMILIAR places

I KNOW you're living at the house

have been quoted AN overpriced fee
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As you will read on this site multiple times, GET HER PAPERWORK IN ORDER IMMEDIATELY! What's going on may not be Alzheimer's, but it is definitely some form at some level of impairment. You say you our power of attorney. Is that just at the bank or do you have a general durable power of attorney? Do you also have the durable power of attorney for healthcare? You need both of those sooner rather than later. The house at least probably belongs and I trust. If grandma doesn't already have a trust, consult an elder care attorney to see if you need one in your state. You will want to do these things while she is still competent to stay at her wishes. If she is adjudged to be impaired or deficient, you may have trouble getting her signature accepted by a notary or a lawyer.

There are many forms of dementia as well as some medical problems that can mimic dementia. As soon as your documents are in place, get her to the doctor for testing. Some conditions are even vitamin deficiencies that can be reversed if treatment is started early enough. As not too much time passes, the fact that she's been scammed, forget family members and gets lost on her way to your place is are not good sign.

You can give her the 3 minute memory impairment home test: vehicle, fruit, color. Tell her you're going to say three words and you want her to remember them. For example say taxi, lemon, blue then engage her in trivial conversation for 2 or 3 minutes, followed by asking her to repeat the words. Inability to do so indicates some level of memory dysfunction.

When you get a job, you may not be able to leave her alone. I no you're living at the house but she may have to go into assisted living or nursing home. Elder care attorneys are the ones you consult about possible asset protection. If you end up going to one for the trust, this will be the person you ask about asset protection. Be sure to ask around and find the right attorney. There have been posts on this very sight about people who have been quoted and overpriced fee for the preparation of the needed documents, so just be cautious.
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I would encourage you to call the local Area Agency on Aging... This is not easy for anyone... You do not mention your Mother is she able to help at all. I am not an expert however the memory issues could be a combination of grief and the kidney disease and also some dementia. I cared for my Grandma when my two oldest boys were young. I am VERY familiar with what you are doing. I promised my Grandfather also. I believe you have a wonderful heart and VERY good intentions. Get some home care help and a support group to talk with....take care, J
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Please contact Adult Protective Services ASAP! You can't do this alone and they know what to do. Your children need you!
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