Hello! My dad is in his 80's, and he lives independently with his wife, who's also in her 80's. They married late in life and keep their finances separate. She seems to be good at managing her financial affairs, but my dad admitted to me that he's forgotten to pay "some bills" recently, and he cannot get his records and receipts together to file his taxes, so he has filed for an extension.
Dad has a bit hoarding problem with not wanting to throw away any mail or newspapers. His wife refuses to let it spill out of his office though, so it's in piles all through his large office, but there are papers everywhere, bills everywhere on multiple tables in the office, and I think it sounds like it's beginning to be too much for him to figure it all out on his own.
He's also giving my siblings money each month. One sibling gets to live in a house Dad bought, but the sibling doesn't pay the rent he promised Dad, and Dad pays the utilities because sibling won't work, etc. The other sibling was just promised a large sum of money to buy a house with.
I have no idea how much money my dad has in his bank accounts, so I don't know if it's safe for him to be giving all this money to my siblings. He's also giving money to their adult kids who call him monthly and ask for help with their rent and to buy them things.
My dad is not "rich", but he saved over the years and he has good equity in the home he bought with his wife, but they each share half of the worth of the house, promising to split it evenly when they pass. And their kids can split their halves evenly among themselves.
His wife is the trustee of his estate if he is to pass away first, and then I'm next in line after her to be the trustee in the event he passes. Should I ask him if he would want me to begin handling his financial affairs for him now since he sounds like he's getting overwhelmed? I like his wife, I believe she loves him and cares about him, so should I ask her if she would want to start overseeing my dad's financial affairs for him, instead?
However, part of me is afraid of asking his wife to oversee Dad's finances, since she and I are not close, and I'm worried that if she was to begin declining mentally in the next few years because she's actually older than my dad, her kids would step in for her and then they would try and take over my dad's financial affairs, too? I don't know her kids at all, and I know the oldest has anger and control issues so I'm weary about ever working with them on these things.
Would love to hear some advice from you, and also I live a couple of hours away by plane, so I can't just drive over there and help him out on a daily basis.