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So this grandmother urinating in paper cups/jars thing is still disturbing me and I know I can’t do anything about it right now (she does not have a choice in this whatsoever and she has severe Myositis and is in a wheelchair) and she declines to use female urinal, sterile jar etc and has to urinate in a VERY non sanitary coffee cup out in her freaking kitchen. Now, she keeps these cups in her bedroom (which has to be downstairs in the old dining room) and it’s starting to anger me. Should they be kept somewhere else??

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Disney,

She is obviously defecating somewhere and is keeping that out of site. I would ask her or grandpa where that is and then try and figure out why she can't or won't urinate there also.
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Reply to katydid1
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Disney, who ever has Medical POA should contact her physician and request Occupational therapy. They can help her and whomever is helping her do what she needs safely and hygienicly (is that even a word?). They can work with her to get the proper equipment to help her live at home, they can recommend changes in furniture arrangements and other things that will help her.

I would keep the clean cups wherever they are easiest for her to reach.

This is a difficult situation, but there are solutions to helping the situation not be gross. Maybe a spray bottle with a bleach and water mixture at the sink to sterilize the surface after she dumps, no wiping needed, just a good spritz. It doesn't need to be strong, a tablespoon in a 32oz spray bottle would keep the odor down and not create a noxious bleach smell.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Disney, Call your local Adult Protective Services. You have no power, but Elder Services or APS people are able to offer help to the family for whatever problems are there. Adult protective services only takes complaints, so this is where to file them!
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Reply to surprise
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This poster does not appear to want help. I’m like amijoy, not responding to this poster again.
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Reply to UsedupDIL
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Dumping urine down the sink is disgusting. Why not dump in toilet and flush? Why does she not transfer from wheel chair to toilet? Most families would insist she use a urinal. What about bowel movements? If she can stand up to pee in a cup she can stand up to transfer to toilet. I agree withnLealonnie there’s something off about this situation.
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Disney3216 Sep 18, 2019
That’s what I am disturbed about. The kitchen is NOT a place for her to do her business but like I have said, she has absolutely no choice because she has severe myositis and is nearly paralyzed (but she can still get herself standing). I have NO IDEA what she does for bowel movements and a couple weeks ago I was at the house and it smelled horrible so she must’ve defecated. I am just on here to get advice on possible ways that she can urinate in a hygienic way
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If you'd come here to rage and vent about how powerless you feel and your inability to change this situation there would be many offers of support and advice, unfortunately you seem to want us to agree that the way your family chooses to deal with this is acceptable, if somewhat gross. I'm sorry but I can't agree with that. I think your choices are to roll up your sleeves and push for more effective solutions or to step away, mentally if not literally, and pretend everything is as fine.
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Reply to cwillie
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lealonnie1 Sep 17, 2019
I personally think she's pulling our leg. Dumping urine down the KITCHEN SINK? Come on!
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At one point in his dementia journey, my father started urinating into paper cups and then leaving them sitting around. I discovered this when I visited him in his garage "office" and found dozens of cups containing urine sitting on the floor and shelves. The "office" included a half bath so I couldn't understand (1) why use a cup in the first place and (2) why not discard the contents into the toilet and throw the cup in the trash? Although this behavior was confined to the garage office for a couple of years, eventually it came into the house too. Mom and I went through the house routinely emptying and discarding the cups and using a Clorox cleaning wipe on the nearby surfaces.

Please try not to be angry with Grandma. She's probably doing the best she can with her limited faculties. When you discuss this with her, please try to engage in a one on one conversation from a supportive problem solving point of view. The preferred coffee cup or paper cups probably have some "feature" your grandmother appreciates, whether easier for her to hold or easier to get a good fit. Grandma may have difficulty expressing why she likes a particular cup, both from finding the words and from embarrassment. In my opinion, your anger should be with your parents who are not adequately helping with Grandma's care.

If your grandmother (who at least has a reason for using cups) will not use anything except paper cups, I recommend purchasing packages of new cups for Grandma's use and discarding after a single use. It may be a non-conventional incontinence supply but in my mind that just what the cups would be. Try to get Grandma to wash her hands often or use some hand sanitizer when its not easy to get to a sink. With a dementia patient, you may need to place a large amount of sanitizer on your own hands, then transfer some to Grandma's hands and encourage her to copy you rubbing it over the hands. You may want to wipe down surfaces she touches (door knobs, light switches, walker hand holds, etc) daily with a Clorox or similar wipe daily. Wiping down surfaces using a washcloth with diluted white vinegar helps reduce smells too.
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Reply to TNtechie
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Disney, I have followed your posts for a while now. I know that you live with your family including grandparents. You’ve posted about Grandpa not being very cooperative with getting Grandma any help for her issues, etc. I’ve gotten the impression that you don’t have much cooperation or support from your family. We’ve posted advice over and over to your questions, but honestly, nothing seems to have changed and that is very sad. You are apparently still living in fear of your grandfather and he is still ruling your family.

The fact that you live in a house where containers of human waste are left out and about is quite truthfully, disgusting. This is not normal and the people who tolerate this are enablers. If a repairman or other visitor comes into your home and sees this, I would not be surprised if your family was reported to APS. The fact that Grandma is disabled does not excuse this situation. There are many people on this forum, myself included, who caregive for people who are not only incontinent but also, like your grandparents, have mental issues. We handle it. We deal with the resistance of those we caregive for and do what we need to do to get them into diapers or use urinals/bedside commodes. We clean up messes and leaks and accidents and do not leave coffee or paper cups of human waste sitting around.

I very sincerely do not mean to sound harsh or unfeeling. However, I know that I have advised you to seek out the help of a school counselor or teacher. Apparently you have not.

Were it me, I would purchase latex gloves, trash bags and a bucket and dump any cups I found into the bucket and then into the toilet. Then I’d toss the cups and bleach wherever they’d been. I’d also make sure Grandma was clean and dry since urinating in a small cup while sitting in a wheelchair isn’t very easy. Her risk for urinary tract infections has to be sky high and the odor can’t be that great either.

I really hope you can find some intestinal fortitude to convince your family this is not acceptable.
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Disney3216 Sep 17, 2019
I actually don’t live with them. I’m only at their house every other day so I don’t know what is happening with both of them behind closed doors and no, I am not and never have been in fear or afraid of my grandfather because of this. My grandmother (unlike people with dementia or Alzheimer’s) does not leave waste in cups, she dumps it (only urine I have not seen what she does to defecate) down the garbage disposal which I sometimes have to sanitize using baking soda. The house is VERY clean and she (who can at least stand up to urinate and possibly do other things) tries to clean the kitchen floor every once in a while. I have not sought any advice from a “school counselor or a teacher” because I no longer go to school and I will never go to a therapist because this is technically none of my business I just happen to witness her behavior while I’m at the house. Thank you for your concern
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They shouldn't be kept anywhere at all, they should be emptied into the nearest toilet a soon as possible after being filled. Whose job is that, by the way?
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Disney3216 Sep 17, 2019
She actually dumps the urine down the garbage disposal when she’s done
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I’m not getting your question. I have seen several posts on your issue. What do you mean “they should be kept somewhere else “? Those cups imo should be “kept” anywhere but in a kitchen. Where would you suggest? The bathroom would be a preferred place, or in the garage but the garage isn’t realistic with her mobility issues.
I wish she could be encouraged to use one of those fraction pans - like a bedpan but smaller.
Do you think occupational therapy in your area could be ordered to come into the house for evaluation? Her PCP could write the order if he/she feels it would be beneficial for her. OT can give suggestions on how to work things out in the home to be safe and practical.
Good luck! This is a hard situation to cope with.
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