My mother keeps wearing the same clothes in between my visits. How do others deal with this?

Ask the ALF to put on her careplan to assist your Mom with choosing an outfit, and with putting last worn in the hamper. They will be glad to assist in this simple task.

Unfortunately, this isn’t an uncommon occurrence for many elderly people.

There are various reasons why older people dislike showering on a regular basis.

There wasn’t a hygiene issue with my mom. She loved feeling fresh and she loved her stylish wardrobe. She was part of the Hollywood glamour era and was a bit vain!

My mom was hesitant or uncomfortable about getting into the shower because she was afraid of falling. She had balance issues due to her Parkinson’s disease. I placed a shower chair in her bathroom for her. Even with the chair, safety bars and non slip mat, she was never truly comfortable.

My mom didn’t fight being showered but many people have these issues.

Stick around for answers. Others who have had your experience will offer suggestions.

Best wishes to you and your mom.

If mom lives in Memory Care Assisted Living, as you say, the staff should be on top of this situation for her since she's suffering from AD/dementia. The staff should be trained to put her soiled clothing into the hamper daily, and to select clean clothing for her, to shower her and to figure out her fears or hesitancy TO shower. That's the purpose of Memory Care AL and the associated costs. A care meeting is in order between you and the staff about your expectations moving forward. If they are unable to meet moms basic needs, think about moving her to a different facility bc her needs will only increase from here. Best of luck to you.

Maybe buy her 3 of the same clothes next time? Idk if that would work, but just a thought

If helping Mom dress is not on her care needs, it needs to be. My Mom was changed everyday. And I asked between showers they wash under her arms and use deoderant.

Buy 3 or 4 versions of the same outfit and have the staff replace the clothes on the chair every other day. More frequently if she stains them.

The care plan from the facilities are subject to your mom’s response. If she refuses, you will still pay and they will not call you to let you know she is refusing! I paid a lot of money for a care plan that was not working for my mom. They told me they can not force her. I had cameras in the rooms (they knew about them) and I saw them ask her, her refuse and then they left. When I requested they spend more time with her to help her get warmed up to the idea, they told me they were busy with others! So, I could not even get them to spend the amount of time with her that they would spend if she was showering. I canceled the care plan (except for medication management) and got mom a private caregiver 3 afternoons a week. I asked if there were private carers in the building and was able to get a lady who was delighted with the hours. 1-5 p.m. worked the best. It covered 2 meals and the woman was delightful. I introduced her as a friend of mine and gave her background on mom. My mom and I chatted with her together as friends and then I asked mom to please let Mona help her. I got a small heater that I keep locked up in a box to get the bathroom warm. Mona pulls 2 sets of clothes and mom picks an outfit. It has worked out with some resistance. Mom used to be a nurse but her aversion to getting cold even led her a painful rash under her breasts. That has helped her to say yes. As mom got worse, I have 7 day a week care. It has been worth it. They report to me! I get a text report end of shift and when mom had a UTI and was bedbound, my staff jumped in to help mom and even got me additional staff. Bottom line: I do not recommend the care plan. I figured it was about 35.00 an hour if they did the max of the hours. My staff are 20.00/hr for the weekend (she doesn’t shower mom but she is her companion and helps her) and 25.00/hr for the regular woman. She showers, does the laundry, puts on lotions, fixes mom’s hair, reads to her, talks with her walks her and loves on her. Mom trusts her.

Will she get aggressive if staff simply takes the clothes and socks off the chair at night and puts them in the hamper? This simply gives her a que the next morning to maybe shower and pick out new clothes. I imagine they know what they are doing but perhaps you or her doctor setting a shower schedule with her and then the staff can just remind her when it’s shower day rather than suggesting they help. If she is capable of showering on her own she may be like my mother and very touchy about the idea someone help her. Even when she’s barely capable the idea of not being able to shower herself or the suggestion sends her through the roof. The doctor has to remind her every visit that she needs to shower at least 3 times a day to prevent UTI since she is incontinent. Then we can always say we are following her orders by reminding Mom to shower and change.

My mom the same thing. Old habit. Wear your 'house clothes' all week and at the end of the week, put them in the wash. Socks in the sneakers. Lays the clothes neatly over her chair. Sometimes I just take them and throw them in the wash (when she's not looking) and will lay out something else for her to wear.

It's gotten tough getting her into the shower. I've taken to a "practice run" with clothes on the day before her shower. Other times she gives herself "a whore's bath" everyday in the sink. That's fine with me. She never smells.

Can you help her shower when you’re there? Maybe she needs to be on tranquilizers if she isn’t already.

Good Morning,

After reading this, something didn't seem right. How can they let an elderly person wear the same clothes everyday without their hygiene being addressed.

A person with Dementia cannot always make their own decisions. A better plan that works needs to be drawn up immediately. This could lead to bedsores, infections and UTI's.

You have to have the mindset that you are caring for a child. You don't let them decide. Everyone has to wash, bathe, brush your teeth, clean undies, etc. on a daily basis. The sheets needs to be changed on a frequent basis. All of this should be part of the daily routine.

I would hire a one-on-one "the same" person to show up and shower mother, etc. It should be like clock-work. Just to say she refused, I don't see how this can continue.

I don't think an Assisted Living is the answer for you. I would start looking around.

She is living in Memory Care. The staff should take her clothes that she puts on the chair and place them in the hamper and replace the soiled clothes with clean clothes. I did this for my Husband for quite a while and he never said anything about the clothes being replaced with clean ones.

When mom gets to the point where she can no longer dress herself they can just get her dressed in clean clothes but as long as she is dressing herself they should just replace the soiled with clean. Let her have the "independence" that she has for as long as she can

Patients usually have a right to refuse medical care. Caregivers staff at a facility normally must abide by this.

My mom does the same, wears the same thing over and over. Usually when I visit, I need to get her to change her pants because they are dirty. I usually try to get there when I know she will be out of her room. That allows me to inspect the clothes in her closet and put the dirty ones in the laundry. I've even found underwear that she rinsed out and put to dry on the total rack or shower seat. They smell terrible and go in the clothes basket. I'm always reminding her that they go for washing, they smell bad and are not clean from just rinsing. I have a car plan review soon. And this will be a point for discussion. It seems this is a very common issue for us caregivers.

Perhaps Memory Care is in order.............it is a progressive disease.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/when-is-it-time-to-place-a-loved-one-with-dementia-188309.htm

My answer has been to remind Mom she would have NEVER allowed herself to be seen in a physically negative light in regards to hygiene in more than 75 years. 75 years is a long time. maybe your mom will remember too...

Kristip: Something seems amiss as there must be a reason why your mother resides in a memory care assisted living facility. The staff should be on top of her cleanliness and not allowing her to wear the same clothing for days on end without laundering them. Your mother may have lost her olfactory sense and/or because she must be well into a dementia dx, she no doubt can no longer take care of personal and routine hygiene. Again, this falls to the staff's duties.

I can relate. Over the last four months or so, my mother started to rewear clothing on a daily basis. At first, she was washing her clothes every other night. Her ALF allowed her to do this because it gave her something to do that is familiar to her, but, at some point, she stopped washing her clothes as much. When my aunt (cognitive abilities very much intact) visited my mother, she said something that clicked with me. She said to my mother, "You know, I've started wearing the same clothes over and over again too because they're more comfortable!" In my head, I thought, "Wow, you're right!" Over the course of caregiving for my mother, I've noticed that she is starting to develop some sensory issues related to how things feel. While this may not necessarily be the case for your loved one, it could be that it's a sensory thing when it comes to textures - how the clothes feel.

After she goes to sleep, ask the caregivers to remove her clothes to a separate location until they can be washed. Also ask them to incorporate bathing as part of her usual daily routine,

I ended up buying multiples of the same outfit. I altered the sleeves since she did not like full length sleeves. She looked the same every day but the clothes were clean. The pajamas were a different story. She refused to wear anything else to sleep in. I washed and returned quickly to keep her calm. Same thing with shoes.

I do think it was comfort and sensitive skin. Any new outfit was quickly discarded. She was perhaps grasping for the familiar.

Buying multiples helped tremendously.