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My Mother is currently in the hospital in VT. She has been there for two weeks. She was in Keene 4 weeks ago and had fallen 3 times and has a sprained hip. She has been struggling with dementia and anger issues. She has been angry and aggressive towards me blaming me for being there. She has been refusing medical care, medicine, and rehabilitation. The hospital called and said I may get a call Monday to come pick up my mom? I told them she isn't safe to be discharged and needs 24 hr care. They told me I have to go stay with her at her 1 bedroom apartment or I have to take her home with me at my 2 bedroom apartment that I currently take care of my 2 yr old granddaughter in. I have no idea how I could possibly do any of this and the case manger that calls me everyday with an update on my mom said I had to figure it out. She was very aggressive and condescending on the phone with me. I call the hospital twice a day to get updates from the nurses on the phone and this case worker that calls me has no idea what's going on with mom mom or even the history of her being at the hospital. My mother has never lived with me and has her own apartment as do I. She 70 years old on Medicare. I am disabled myself from an injury 23 years ago. I have no idea how I can do any of this. Any advice would help.
Thank You,
Ed.

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This is so hard. There is NO WAY that you can watch your 2 year old AND your mom who needs so much care. Not possible. Do not allow it. The hospital or someone will have to help you find a placement ASAP.

Just tell the aggressive lady. NO. I can not do this. Not for one night.
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impulsiveone Apr 2021
They have called twice today to come pick her up saying she’s a her base which is strange cause she never had any dilutions it this is the very reason she ended up in the hospital the second time. Iv been through this once already a month ago and picked her up and brought her home against the hospital and my wish’s and she fell 3 times and was dilutions. I just don’t think she’s safe to bring home but it seems the hospital will bring her home no matter what and I’m 2 hours from her home. It sucks because it’s my mom and of course I want to help but I just don’t know how.
thanks for the advice.
Ed
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In my own personal experience the hospital will be very aggressive in trying to guilt/pressure you to come get her...but don't. I agree with Grandma1954 to stop calling them every day. If you do talk to them just tell them you are disabled and she is an "unsafe discharge". Don't give them any more info than that. At 70 your mom is pretty young to be having the falling issues and refusing her medications. Has she been checked for a UTI or over-medication? These can mimic the symptoms of dementia-like behavior.

In my case the hospital literally had a Sheriff drop off my stepFIL at his house at night after they hounded me all day at work to come get him when he was 30 miles away. He needed to go into a facility because he had Parkinsons and would just keep falling but he wasn't mentally incapacitated "enough" to pursue guardianship. Yes, they will apply a lot of pressure. Please don't answer their calls.
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impulsiveone Apr 2021
They have called twice today to come pick her up saying she’s a her base which is strange cause she never had any dilutions it this is the very reason she ended up in the hospital the second time. Iv been through this once already a month ago and picked her up and brought her home against the hospital and my wish’s and she fell 3 times and was dilutions. I just don’t think she’s safe to bring home but it seems the hospital will bring her home no matter what and I’m 2 hours from her home. It sucks because it’s my mom and of course I want to help but I just don’t know how.
thanks for the advice.
Ed
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You are not "responsible" for your mother.
You are not your mother's Guardian (are you?)
They can not "make" you pick her up.
If/when they call and tell you to pick her up refuse to do so.
As a matter of fact if your caller ID shows it is the hospital calling I probably would let the call go to voice mail. And I would stop calling 2 times a day to check on her.
You can discuss with the Hospital Social Worker the possibility of having her made Ward of the State but that would only happen if and when she is declared incompetent.

It might do you well to contact an Elder Care Attorney or one well versed in Family Law.
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