My mom was diagnosed 2 years ago after going to her GP because she thought she had bugs all over her. He sent her to neuro and diagnosis was made after testing. She refused treatment and has not been back to him or any other doctor. Lives independently and does fair. She shouldn't be driving, but gets angry when we suggest it. If we take the car away, she will just go buy a new one. She can fake sanity with strangers pretty well for a short time. She has always been a bully at heart, writing off anyone, including family members, who don't agree with her ways. I have been her puppet for my whole life. Once I married and found a mind of my own, she's been somewhat hateful to me but extremely hateful to my husband. Not to say she doesn't have some wonderful qualities, she does - but the overwhelming personality once you get to know her is mean/judgmental. She's fine with my siblings but can't be with me at all without criticizing me or my family. It's been a roller coaster my whole life, but somehow we do coexist for the most part.
My current dilemma is that last week, she found out that I had told 2 very close family members that she has dementia (although it's obvious, and both of them came to me with their concerns, which I simply confirmed). She was furious and stated that she no longer wants to see or hear from me. It stung, but in a way I feel relieved because the drama has just been crazy over the last several decades. Every decision has been made around her... my husband and kids are saints to have put up with it (and ME) for so long. She was a wonderful grandmother to my kids when they were little, but now thinks they have been poisoned against her by me and my husband. In reality, they are finally old enough to see her nonsense for what it is. She's fine with my siblings and what few friends she has left. Also has some decent relationships with her own siblings as long as they don't bring up her health. So, after our ugly conversation, she immediately called one of my siblings and had a wonderful and cheery conversation with him, when 5 minutes before, she was crying, yelling and saying that she "couldn't take it any more, and this would be our final goodbye and I would never see her again" among other rude and sarcastic things.
Is this just total manipulation??? Or has her dementia reached a new level where she doesn't even remember what she's said or how mean she has been? I'm really struggling, like I said, there is some relief because for the first time in 40 years, I don't feel like I am a slave to my own mother, emotionally speaking. But, on the other hand, this is a serious disease and I am not heartless, in fact I would be a great caretaker if I wasn't so darn mad at her for a lifetime of unfairness. I know she needs to see a doctor, but she refuses, and can't be forced to do anything. I'm so sorry for this long and rambling post - I've been holding this situation in for so long... and I know that many of you are at a much more advanced, serious stage so maybe I'm just whining - but I see my future (if she decides she wants me back in her life, or if I choose to help her once that time comes) in your posts and it scares me. How can I lovingly take care of my mom when that time comes when I have so much longstanding anger with her? It's just impossible to tell whether it's just typical manipulation or if she is deteriorating from the disease.