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And sometimes I just can’t deal with it.

Yes. It is fine. You must have boundaries. Not to worry as those in memory care seldom remember that they have called, or whether or not you answer. Are they placing the calls alone? Well enough to do this? Or is staff doing it. If staff is doing this then they are using YOU to deal with confusion and agitation. That is their job. Tell them that unless it is an emergency you will only be accepting two brief calls a day, morning and evening. Be sure you have an answering machine and monitor the calls, answer when you are ready to.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries. You get to decided how many calls you will answer.
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Reply to lkdrymom
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I set a time every day to call my mother who lives in Memory Care. 7pm. That's it. I never know what kind of dreadful mood she's going to be in when I do call, so at least I can prepare myself beforehand.

Do what YOU have to do to keep your anxiety level managed, that's my suggestion. You know your DH is cared for and safe where he's at, so speaking with him once a day is plenty.

Wishing you the best of luck moving forward
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Does he have a cell? Does he really need it, like using it to call other people or is it just you. With the Virus, I know its a lifeline right now. Maybe when things start too open up you can lose it. You will be able to visit so no need for calls. The staff can call you when there is an emergency or something is needed. Request that they not allow him to use a facility phone.

If the facility is allowing him to call you on their phone now, then tell them, like suggested, only 1 orv2 calls a day.

And yes, you do not need to answer. Actually, I think being able to call you keeps him from adjusting to MC and relying on the staff, which by the way you are paying for.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Yes it's OK in my book. Hard but often necessary.

I like Lealonnie's approach with a set time every night. You could advice staff of this too so they can assist.

My Mother will be heading into care soon & a phone is provided. Due to lockdown I can't even imagine the level of boredom, anxiety & loneliness she will face. I have been wondering about the phone issue too. Last time she didn't have one but called Dad every night (on staff phone). I was amazed once she could do that she didn't phone all the time... I suspect the staff policed it.

If your LO can call you every day (similar time) & this works & it is a nice positive for him & you. It keeps a bit of independance for him & less stress on you. But if the phone is causing distress, making things worse by his constant calls (not remembering he already called) or going unnswered (& he gets worried where you are) then staff may need to police it. Maybe the phone could be locked away for 'safety' & brought after dinner each evening?
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Reply to Beatty
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You have to set limits, otherwise it will drive you crazy. Brother would call me 10 times a day to check on my mom and the rest of us. I would be in the middle doing something for my mom. Told him straight out 2-3 calls a day. Finally took phone off hook, if calls continued more than 2-3 times, but I have an answering machine so I get his messages. Different situation, but same point.
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Reply to earlybird
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You'd be answering straight up if he were home. Chalk board in his room for important reminders. Once you got that done, screening calls ok in my league
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Reply to fourforfore
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lealonnie1 Jul 11, 2020
But he's NOT home and if he were home, he wouldn't be calling her on the phone
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Let them go to voicemail. You can always call him back if it is an "emergency."
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Reply to Taarna
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Imho, it's okay especially if they are multiple calls.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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