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Daddy is 87, has dementia, COPD, CHF and kidney disease. His license was taken away medically, yet he believes he will get it back, because no doctor will tell him otherwise. He gets to the gym, bowls in a bowling league 2 nights a week and golfs two days a week. Yet this is not enough for him. He is angry all the time talking about not being able to drive and go where he wants to go when, means life isn't worth living. Not sure how to make him understand that he cannot keep going like he did when he was in his 60s.

I am going to play Devils advocate here.
It sounds like your dad is a very active 87 year old and it sounds like he has been that way his life.
The dementia alone would kill him as would the COPD, CHF and the kidney disease. And I am sure making him sit home will kill him as well.
If it is the not driving that bothers him so much just tell him that the doctor will let him know when he can resume driving. Obviously that will not happen so he can continue getting rides from friends, or other means of transportation.
If he is bowling with friends, golfing with friends they will be with him if anything happens. I am going to assume (never a good thing) that they are aware of your dad's health problems.
Your dad will die. That is a fact. The best thing you can do is to respect his wishes as difficult as that might be.

I will revise this a bit. He may be curtailed a bit anyway since many places will be closed down for a while you should try to get him involved with other tasks he can do around the house. That list of .."we should do......" get rid of the extra junk in the garage, clear the basement, give each room a good deep clean. All the stuff we usually put off cuz we are too busy.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Now is a good time as we are to stay home and try not to get or infect others with the virus.

Think of hobbies he can do at home or have him invite a friend over for a hobby and lunch
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Reply to bevthegreat
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I gave the keys to my brother.. and said you drive.. Mom didn't seem to ask.. I just pulled the keys and gave them to my brother...

Sometimes it easier with others...
When mu aunt forgot where she parked, and had the police look for her vehicle. they demanded an appontment... she forgot, her license was revoked.. end of story.
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Reply to MAYDAY
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I can’t answer this because my dad had heart issues and a stroke. I think dementia has to be the absolute biggest challenge for a caregiver.

I took care of my dad and I drove him places but he accepted it with grace and humility. Big difference, but it still took a bit of time for my dad to adjust to his new situation.

You have a very difficult situation. Just want to offer support and say that I am sorry that you are struggling with this.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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If he is that frustrated... Tell him to start walking.... You will have a taxi pick him up when he is tuckered out...
That's not right---sorry..
I could erase... but I need to blog... blog and blog and blog... This site is my therapy.
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Reply to MAYDAY
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find senior activities places, library.. find out what may interest him..

Are there social taxi's or senior vans for transportation?

Look to the local libraries, or court houses for support.
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Reply to MAYDAY
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Yup, he cannot get to these places without a partner in crime.. taxi? UBER? LYFT? YOU? lift him out and get him there?
So, you may want to set up and actual written test and driving test with DMV.
Or, get rid of the car that is staring him in the face.
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Reply to MAYDAY
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You can't reason with dementia!!
It's a bitter pill to swallow, but true.
His reality is no longer your reality and no amount of logic or reasoning will change his mind.
Since he can no longer drive, who is taking him to all his activities?
As long as it's not a burden on you and your family, let him do as much as he can for as long as he can.
God bless!
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Reply to xrayjodib
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It's a blessing (for now) that he has so much energy and have to relinquish your former life is not easy, as many people's identities are tied up in their careers. Would he be able to volunteer somewhere? Would he be able to have a dog to walk? Maybe ask him to make a list of reasonable things he'd like to do (except drive, practice his profession) -- sort of like a bucket list. Help him narrow it down to what is realistic. If he is truly "angry all the time" maybe some meds to take the edge off so he can relax and enjoy his abundant energy might be helpful. Let us know how it goes!
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Reply to Geaton777
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Sad. But, what's wrong with LOOOOONG walks? Put a tracker on him so he can look at where he's been and how far he's gone. My DH's cousin does this (just for fun) and then his phone shows him where he's wandered in his daily walk.

Man--you cannot complain about having too much energy! Being outdoors is probably the safest place he can be.

Let him golf every day if you can!
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Reply to Midkid58
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My dad also screams that he wants to go places like he use to. It's very difficult. I feel his frustration, and try to help, but it's not the same as him doing what he wants like he use to when he drove
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Reply to Lvnsm1826
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I doubt if you can make him "understand."

What would that look like, anyway? When you say understand, do you actually mean "gracefully accept"?

I should start by imagining yourself in his shoes and how you would feel if it were you. Suppose you had to wait for somebody to take you whenever you wanted to go somewhere? - immediately, I guarantee, you would start thinking of all the places and events you don't normally bother with but would like to attend in *theory* - and now you can't. Even the thought is frustrating, and for him this has really happened.

How is he getting to the gym, the bowling nights and the golf club? - !!! I have to agree that is a pretty full schedule for an 87 year old :)
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Reply to Countrymouse
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