Follow
Share

My dad has always had a bad attitude and he is always fighting with everyone around him. I think it’s best for him to live somewhere else. It is also very stressful for me to go to work and have leave him alone. He doesn’t want nobody to come to the house and take care of him. He says he is doesn’t need to be taking care of.

Assuming from what you wrote that your dad lives with you and suffers from dementia, he should not be left alone. So yes, you are right............you should get him placed into a Memory Care Assisted Living residence with his own small apartment where he can be looked after but still have his own space. Difficult people get a whole lot worse when dementia sets in..........the old behaviors magnify by 1000% and they tend to become impossible, or MORE impossible, to deal with. Most people cannot keep a demented parent in their home for the long term; it becomes too much to deal with.

As far as your dad living alone, that is not a good idea at all. Dementia is a progressive thing........it worsens with time and reaches the point where they can and do become a danger to themselves by trying to cook or getting into chemicals under the sink. They all wind up needing lots of help with daily activities of life after a while, even those that insist they DO NOT. They do. They need meals prepared for them so they don't burn the house down, at the very least. Help with bathing, down the line, and other things that may not be obvious now, but will be later on.

Wishing you the best of luck finding alternate living arrangements for dad.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report

71 is young, but seems like not unusual. In my Dads family those who contracted ALZ where in their late 70s. My Aunt lived to be 89 being diagnoised about 12 years before but showing signs before

If there is no formal diagnosis, you need to get one. His PCP should order labs to check his potassium levels, thyroid, etc. If found nothing physical, then he should see a neurologist.

Even in the early stages, a person suffering from Dementia should be monitored. Decline can literally happen over night. My nurses called it an "episode". Dementia is unpredictable, a problem I had with it. Not saying Dad can't live on his own, just be aware that Dementia can be a slow decline or a fast decline.

Get Dad a good physical first to determine what kind of care he needs. If he has money, an Assisted living may be good. If he is low income, there are subsidized HUD apartments. Where I live they r pretty nice. Handicapped accessible. Common area to socialize and activities. Our local transit bus stops for pick ups. Can also get the Senior bus. Ours is in walking distance of a grocery and pharmacy.

It maybe hard to place him in LTC. Dementia alone does not get you in. You need to show you need 24/7 care and help with ADLs.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

I don't understand who your father lives with now. Is he living alone with your coming by for support? Does he live in your home?
When was he diagnosed with dementia? I need more information.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

If he has any of the dementias, it's probably not a good idea for him to live by himself. However there are plenty of facilities where he could live and hopefully thrive.

Sound like you have had enough, and that's ok. Being a caregiver for a loved one can be very difficult, and especially when they're constantly negative. You have to do what's best for yourself. Your dad will be just fine in whatever facility you find for him. Best wishes.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report

In my (admittedly limited) experience early onset Alzheimer's tends to hit hard and progress quickly, if you previously felt a need to have him live with you I doubt he now has the ability to live safely on his own. In non covid times I would suggest trying adult day care while you are at work - contact your agency on aging to get him a needs assessment, they can offer guidance on his capabilities and what programs or alternate living arrangements are available to him.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to cwillie
Report

Your dad is quite young to be having dementia, so perhaps it is something else or more, like a UTI or ALZ or a particular type of cognitive decline. He should really go have a check-up and cognitive exam by a doctor and be tested for a UTI (which in the elderly can cause cognitive/behavioral symptoms even if there aren't any other urinary/physical pain or symptoms -- it's quite a common problem and can be cleared up with antibiotics.)

If he does have dementia or cognitive decline, him living alone will solve nothing if he is calling you for help every day or he isn't remembering how to cook, eat, have proper hygiene and is endangering himself. If you are willing and able to get him into AL or a facility this would be the best for both of you. If he doesn't have the funds, then this is when a cognitive test will help guide care decisions: he may be a candidate for MC and can then apply for Medicaid to afford the cost.

You need to decide if, even if you can get him to move out and resettled in another apartment, you plan on being disconnected from his daily care if he is calling you? At this point you are not yet able to imagine just how intense it can become trying to deal with the needs of someone in decline.

It sounds like he lives in your space, so he's the one who needs to leave. He may battle you on it. He may not be willing (or able) to move out and then you have an eviction decision to make. He may say a lot of things (like he can take care of himself) but with dementia, not much of it will be true or accurate. Resist arguing with him -- you will need to save your energy to figure out what solution you want and need in this current situation. Maybe best to start figuring out just what is going on with him physically and cognitively first. You can call social services to find out what his options are. I wish you much success in working through answers for both of you!
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

How stressful will it be at work if he is by himself 24hrs a day?? If he thinks he can live alone let him do it. 71 is not that old these days. One thing about living alone is it will force him to use his mind more which should slow down the dimentia.
If he does not want anyone to come see him, maybe put a camera in the house and get a wifi connection so you can monitor him.

If he moves out who pays for the move, his own place? Who is going to move him and his stuff? How far away will he go?

Whatever you do it will only be temporary as he will eventually need care/help. So if he does this you should start planning for that event.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to lacyisland
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter