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My dad is being denied his basic right. She won’t allow him to watch tv, play on his phone or let him have any privacy with his children. I was allowed to see him without restrictions. My sister hasn’t been allowed to see our dad in over 3 months. I began advocating for her with our stepmom and this has made her very mad that I was trying to get her to let my sister to visit. I asked my dad quietly when I visited him last weekend and I asked him if he wanted to see his daughter and he said he really wanted to see her and he said yes but said we would have make a plan to get around his wife. Today we were sent texts laying out the rules to visit and the consequences if we did not abide them. The rules are absurd. She also we were not allowed to talk to him unless she was present. We just want to spend some time with our dying dad. What can we do? Would a lawyer be able to help?

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Sounds like an abusive situation. Please contact the authorities where your dad lives. He may have to spend his remaining time in a long term facility, but he will be allowed visitors. I am also concerned your dad's wife may be having mental health issues and need to be evaluated and treated.
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Your stepmom is the lioness at the gate. I assume she is POA for your Dad. I would stay within the rules, I would offer her help, I would bring her flowers, candies and casseroles. I would do all I could to be near my Dad were in hospice. Period. Bottom line. Your goal now is to see your Dad. Your stepmom is in charge. There are no choices here.
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SueBeebe Feb 2022
Thank you for your response. Your suggestions have been tried and failed. We are involving authorities at this time.
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Wow, she's the textbook evil stepmom. What's she so darn paranoid and controlling about?
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Won't allow him to watch TV?

Is she afraid that you all are going v to try to get him to change his will or POA?

Is he buying stuff he sees on TV?

Are you privy to the Hospice arrangements? Perhaps a chat with the Social Worker is in order.
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SueBeebe Feb 2022
He isn’t allowed to watch TV. She said he must sit in his boredom. He can’t have his phone to play games. His thinking is overall pretty clear. With Parkinson’s the are moments he hallucinates. I have been in touch with hospice, social workers and an attorney. I am going to try and get him removed from his home. I will care for him. Thank you for your response.
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There is a very good possibility that you can use the Hospice Social Worker and or Hospice Chaplain to be an advocate in this situation. But only if it is your dads best interest. There may be some underlying problem that you are unaware of, and maybe your dad is also unaware.
The Hospice Social Worker and Chaplain might be of help.
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Ella2021 Feb 2022
Great answer!
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How do you know that his wife is placing all these restrictions on him?
If from dad it may not be reliable information.

Contacting the hospice social worker would be helpful, I would think. Perhaps they can remind the wife that this is what is best for him and it is not about her.

Legal? It is not illegal, but there could possibly be some things occurring behind closed doors that are illegal. You could certainly consult with an attorney and ask if they would issue her a cease and desist letter. I have no idea if this would fly or not. Definitely try the social worker approach first.
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SueBeebe Feb 2022
My stepmother implemented the restrictions via text to my sister and me. Today I have contacted social workers, DCF, and hospice and the are rapidly investigating the social isolation experienced by my dad. I am waiting on a return call from an attorney. Thank you for you input.
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Don't jeopardize your own visitation time; you too could easily be cut off. Your sister might want to try reasoning with the wife herself. If that fails, she has nothing to lose by speaking with an eldercare attorney to see if she could request court-ordered visitation. Or when he begins to fail, perhaps connect them via a video chat? In the meantime, you might want to do some sleuthing to see if there have been recent changes made to his Estate, Will, or Trust documents.
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SueBeebe Feb 2022
Thank you for your response. My sister has begged, sent flowers and has done everything to improve the situation. Because I advocated for my sister I am now at risk for not seeing my dad. We have contacted authorities and a plan has been implemented.
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Try to get as much communication with her a possible to be via text or email. It'll help your case to have hard evidence vs. "he said/she said."
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Elder abuse contact elder abuse and make a formal complaint against her .
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First report this to adult protective services and have them investigate and take over. Second, see an eldercare attorney for help. Third, ignore this woman and do what your father is asking you to do. Something is wrong here that she is so controlling - why? You have every right to see your blood father. I would also involve the head management of the facility you will take action if someone interferes with you seeing him. Something is not right.
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